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How do we manage expectations when the unexpected happens?
Have you ever planned a trip to a tropical locale—Hawaii, maybe—and ended up in Helsinki? Don’t get me wrong. Helsinki is probably a wonderful place. Though I’ve never physically ended up in a place not on my airline ticket, I’ve definitely had plans to go to one place in life and ended up in a very different location in my heart, mind, goals, and expectations.
When our boys entered high school, I felt confident about what the next few years should hold. Both had been “easy teens” in their early teenage years. We talked and enjoyed family times together. There was occasional friction, but we worked through it.
Life would be good. They’d launch into their adult lives, and all would be well. Sure, there might be a few minor hiccups, but we’d figure them out, and boom. They’d launch and be well-adjusted, walking-with-God young men.
I know. Those of you who have sent children into their own lives can stop laughing now. These past couple of years have proven that launching a child into this world is m-e-s-s-y.
The truth is
Here’s the thing. We all have preconceived ideas about where our life path will lead. When we end up on a completely different track, especially when it’s beyond our control, we are sometimes shaken. We don’t always know how to manage expectations in the unexpected place we find ourselves.
My Helsinki has entailed walking alongside our sons through turbulent high school years. Watching friends’ children thrive through these years, go away to college, and seem to be just fine sometimes thrusts a comparison dagger through my heart.
The expectation that everything would go as I expected was my Hawaii. And while other families seem to have landed there, our family traveled to Helsinki.
We’ve walked through some hard, painful years with both sons. There’s been outright rebellion. Deception. Painful words heard and spoken.
Hubs and are I learning when and how to let go and give our sons more control. This has come through many discussions and sometimes through the boy-man yanking control away from us.
My heart has been broken by some of their choices . . . and by some circumstances they’ve faced.
This is my mothering Helsinki.
Honestly, managing expectations for our sons and myself has been both humbling and humiliating. God challenges me regularly to entrust my precious young men into His hands.
How to manage expectations in life
How do we manage expectations when the unexpected strikes our lives?
Look to the Lord
When we face struggles in our lives, it can be oh, so easy to view our own trials through the lens of those around us. We see all the amazing things happening in their lives. And we hold that unrealistic filter over our personal failings. When I look to others’ seeming successes rather than the Lord, I always come out on the failure side.
When God directs our proverbial planes to Helsinki rather than where we thought we were traveling, He still sees us. Though we may flounder, the Lord is never taken by surprise. Our Father promises to bring us through to the other side of our trials. We need to hold onto this truth.
3 Effective Ways to Manage Expectations in Unexpected Times—Our Father promises to bring us through to the other side of our trials. We need to hold onto this truth #tellhisstory #manageexpectations #trustinggod Click To TweetLet go of expectations
The “other side” we come out on from our trials will look different than what we planned. When we grapple with a detour in our path, we must lean into the Lord. If we attempt to take back control, things will not go smoothly.
Our response to the detours determines our next steps. Instead of doubting God’s redirect, let’s ask for His perspective. Pray for His guidance for the next step forward.
Remember God is with us
An important truth to cling to is that when our paths lead in a different direction than expected, God is with us. He loves us, even when we don’t see His hand explicitly working in our lives.
Sometimes He’s weaving the tapestry from behind-the-scenes. We don’t see our Father, but He’s still there. Working in us. Loving us. And creating something beautiful through our unexpected trials.
Conclusion
If I sound like I have this all figured out, I don’t. We’re still in the throes of working through different issues with each son. I’m learning to manage expectations and talk with God when things go south.
Hubs and I pray more now than we ever did when our sons were young. We still make mistakes in how we handle things. But we’re trying to stay engaged with each son as we’re able. Learning to manage expectations is often choosing in every moment where we will focus.
And wouldn’t you know, Helsinki isn’t so bad because we know we’re not here alone.
The next time we find ourselves en route to Helsinki, let’s look to the Lord and remember His plans for us are always good. Rarely easy, but always good. Especially when they seem so different from where we thought we were going.
What about you? What helps you manage expectations when life takes an unexpected turn? What have you learned in your personal “Helsinki”?
A few updates:
***I created a Scripture printable page for you with verses that can help us focus on the Lord in unexpected times. Feel free to click and collect it for yourself!
Due to a family emergency, we’ll be meeting back here next week for the Tell His Story linkup. Mark your calendars!
Lastly, a huge thank you to those who took the time to fill out my survey on my last blog post. Your insights were so helpful! The winner of the $10 Amazon gift card is Michele M. I’ll email it this week.
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Anita Ojeda, Instaencouragements, and sometimes Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Jeanne, I loved this when I first read it last week–the trip to Helsinki when you were expecting Hawaii is such a good analogy. When I came back to your post today, I realized that this is exactly what happened to me regarding my parents’ last few years. So the application goes far beyond parenting, for sure. Looking back, I can say a hearty “amen” to each of your three points. 100 percent, absolutely. Hugs, friend.
Awww, Lois. Those unexpecteds in life‚ especially losing loved ones as you did—definitely feeling like a trip to Helsinki. Thank you for your encouragements, my friend.
Jeanne, I’ve walked in your shoes. A woman who had been down the same road once told me, “They won’t be the same people ten years from now that they are today.” I couldn’t imagine making it to that place, but we did and she was right. God heard the prayers.
Blessings,
Tammy
Tammy, that is such a wise perspective to hold onto. I sometimes struggle with trying to remember there will be more growth, more maturing from where they are now. I’m getting better, but I still get sucked into the “now is all there is” mindset with our boys. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom here.
I took a Helsinki detour about a year ago. Going to a counselor and reading Mary DeMuth’s book Love, Pray, Listen really helped me put everything in perspective. It’s easy to get lost in the emotional turmoil of ending up where you didn’t intend!
Ahhh, Anita. Counselors are certainly helpful, as are books read at just the right time. Sometimes, Helsinkis in our lives do help us realign our perspectives rather than getting lost in the emotion turmoil.
This is so encouraging, Jeanne. Thank you! This is such a comforting truth to remind ourselves – “Sometimes He’s weaving the tapestry from behind-the-scenes. We don’t see our Father, but He’s still there. Working in us. Loving us. And creating something beautiful through our unexpected trials.” I am sorry for all the unexpected trials in your life, my friend, but I’m grateful God is using your pain for a purpose. Thank you for following His leading to share with us here. Love and blessings of strength and peace!
Trudy, thank you for your encouragement. Yes, God does use our pain for a purpose. Thank you for your sweet presence in this space. you are a blessing!
I had a counsellor say to me once when I struggled with unmet expectations: “Time to build a new dream.” My current work situation is not what I wanted at this stage of life, but I am trusting the lessons needed to learn (mostly about myself). Changing how I think about the situation is one of the first steps! And trusting God’s got me here for His purpose oversees the entire journey. And He does for you too!
Lynn, I’ve never looked at unmet expectations in that way before. I see the wisdom of building a new dream. Yet, in the middle of unexpected seasons, God does teach us lessons, doesn’t He? I love your words about changing how we view the situation, aligning our hearts with God’s purposes. I love your perspective, friend.
It sounds like you’ve had your own unexpected times happen, so thank you for taking time to share what you’re applying in your own life. May you be blessed as you look to the Lord and remember that God is with you.
Hi Amy, yes, we’ve had unexpected times, especially in the past couple of years. Thanks for your encouragement!
My favorite line: “And wouldn’t you know, Helsinki isn’t so bad because we know we’re not here alone.” 💗💗💗
It’s true, isn’t it, my friend? Thanks for reading!
You are welcome, dear one! 💗💗
A great post that I can relate to so much! “We don’t see our Father, but He’s still there. Working in us. Loving us. And creating something beautiful through our unexpected trials”. This. It’s the knowledge of this truth that keeps me grounded when life takes an unexpected turn. When I fell ill a few years ago and my recovery didn’t go the way I thought it would (still hasn’t), it’s knowing God loves me and is working it all out for my good that helps. I do agree – Helsinki isn’t so bad after all (lol). I’ve actually visited (the real) Helsinki a couple of times before and enjoyed it 🙂 Thanks for sharing Jeanne, holding you and your family in my prayers.
Wemi, I completely agree. Knowing our Father is with us, even when we don’t see Him, helps us in those unexpected seasons. We have to hold onto that eternal perspective, don’t we? And, for the record, I’d love to visit the actual city of Helsinki one day. 🙂 Thanks so much for your prayers!
I’ve learned that rarely does life turn out exactly as I had planned. Don’t get me wrong… I’ve had many wonderful blessings throughout my life and things that have happened just as I’d dreamed. However, there are “times,” you know? Like you, I’ve learned to pray more and rely on God, trusting that He has a plan in and through all things! And, I am so thankful that He is with me every step of the way as I navigate this journey.
Jo, I, too, have learned life rarely turns out exactly as I plan. Yet somehow, I still slip into those seasons where I just think it will. God is always faithful and always good, even when He directs our steps to places we never expected to be. I’m so thankful for His goodness and His constant presence on this journey. Thank you so much for visiting!
Jeanne your story so speaks to my heart, because it’s my story too. Turbulent years with my children, while others seemed to be blessed by the choices their children made. And even now to have two prodigals completely estranged from our family, along with other “embarrasing” issues with my youngest, and almost each Sunday at church I see other families without the heartache.
But your 3 ways to manage expectations in the unexpected are spot on, and without that focus, the unexpected would be too much for us to bear!
Donna, I suspect many of us are grappling with our own “Helskinki’s.” I’m so thankful God is always faithful and always walking with us. I so appreciate your sharing a bit of your personal Helsinki. I’m praying for you, my friend.
Jeanne, learning to recognize and relinquish our expectations so we can embrace the path God has us on sounds like a good plan for every stage in life.
Agreed, Deb! I keep coming back to the place where I realize I have, yet again, placed expectations on someone or some situation. I’m thankful Jesus is patient in His redirecting my heart when it’s needed.
Oh I hear you here Jeanne! I thought I was going to Hawaii too & ended up in Timbuktu so to speak!
But God is here & it’s a place where I’m very blessed indeed.
It just depends on how we view it, through our lenses or God’s 😉
Blessings, Jennifer
Awww, Jennifer, you have taken some unexpected journeys! Remembering God is always with us helps so much in the uncertain times! Yes, our perspective makes all the difference!
That it does Jeanne. 😊
This reminds me of an old hymn titled “Submission”:
“Not what I wish to be, nor where I wish to go
For whom am I that I should choose my way?
The Lord shall choose for me, tis better far I know,
So let Him bid me go, or stay.”
We may have to go through unexpected and unpleasant places, but Thank God, He is with us and gives us grace.
Barbara, this sounds like a beautiful hymn, and this verse? Yes. Trusting God always, especially when life goes in an unexpected direction is the foundation of getting through those times. and yes, His gift of grace is so needed!
“They’d launch and be well-adjusted, walking-with-God young men. I know. Those of you who have sent children into their own lives can stop laughing now.” Not laughing, Jeanne, but sending you an understanding hug, then bowing with you in prayer.
“What about you? What helps you manage expectations when life takes an unexpected turn? What have you learned in your personal “Helsinki”?” My husband and I affectionately call it hitting the deck (though sometimes it can feel like an unvolunteered face plant). Prayer is my go-to, Jeanne. Being in His Presence takes away the worldly barbs and gives me His redeeming perspective, then I can move forward with His love, grace, and strength. Praying for His comforting arms to be about you, and for you and your husband to have wisdom.
Lisa, I’ll take the hug and your wise words. Yes, praying for my sons and my hubs and me and seeing to be often in God’s presence is definitely needed! Thank you for your prayers!
God has a sense of humor.
The minute we think we have our lives , our the lives of our children all planned out, He throws us a curveball to remind us Who is ultimately in control.
Barbara, yes God DOES have a sense of humor! I used to say that about my kids . . . how just when I thought I had them figured out, they went and changed behaviors, etc. I think He knows we need to be reminded He is in control, as hard as it can be to live with this truth.
Amen!
❤️
This is a great post, Jeanne. Thank you for sharing about your experiences with your sons. I think we all have those situations where we expect one thing and it turns out totally differently. It is comforting to remember that God is with us, even in the challenges, and that he can work it for good in ways that we may not see at the time.
Lesley, you’re right. Though my sons were my example of life not going as I expected, there are many situations in life that we end up in a very different place than we’d planned. I’m so thankful the Lord is always with us and always working in us. Thanks for your words!
Jeanne, thank you for sharing as I needed the reminder today – God sees us. “Though we may flounder, the Lord is never taken by surprise. Our Father promises to bring us through to the other side of our trials.” Amen! Praying for your family this morning.
Joanne, thanks for your prayers. We truly appreciate them! I’m glad you found encouragement in this post!
Life is not a petting zoo
where poets play a mandolin.
Most one day find out it’s true
that life is more like Medellin,
and the goal of each new day
is not to prosper or to thrive;
no, it is to find a way
to get from dawn to dusk alive.
I know this may sound rather bleak,
and you may well ask, “Why live?”,
but set aside that which you seek,
and find it in your heart to give,
and you will learn what Christ knows well:
the road to Heaven runs through hell.
I definitely have to ponder this one, Andrew!
Andrew, I so appreciate your words! WOWOWOW. Yes, you are speaking to me. I always appreciate the fresh perspective you bring to this space, my friend. Thank you. I’m praying for you and Barb.