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How many of us have trouble silencing the inner critic?
“My story stinks.” As another author spoke about her stories, the thought rolled around in my head. Suddenly, all I could see was how bad my current story was. I wasn’t necessarily comparing my story’s qualities with hers, but I was. A little.
If I’m honest, I’ve listened to my inner critic for far too many years of my life. I’ve let those negative messages boss me around and define me. Those internal criticisms have sometimes stopped me from trying new things, going on adventures, and having the confidence to reach out to new people.
When all we can see is the negative side of ourselves or our endeavors, we’re viewing things through a skewed filter. Many things can skew our filters, including our upbringing, a lack of understanding of our intrinsic value, and loud worldly messages that infiltrate our inner belief system.
What does God say about us?
Understanding how God views us can enable us to silence the inner critic more easily.
Here are some truths
- God loves us completely, passionately, and perfectly. Period. This will never change.
- He tells us to think about what is true, right, honorable, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and praiseworthy (see Philippians 4;8). When the inner critic gains the upper hand in our thoughts, we’re not thinking on these things. The enemy gains the upper hand.
- God has equipped us to do what He called us to. Since this is the case, we can fulfill our calling with confidence. The results are not up to us; they’re up to Him. (See Ephesians 2:10)
These eternal truths give us the mindset tools for silencing the inner critic. We must remind ourselves of them when that critical voice grows loud.
Why is silencing the inner critic so important?
At times, that inner critic helps us when we’ve gone in a wrong direction. It can turn us onto a healthier path. But when we give it too much authority in our lives, the inner critic demeans us and undermines our confidence.
Whether this is in the writing world or in pursuing some other calling, in parenting or lawyering or sales clerking or whatever we’re doing, the inner critic must be silenced. When it’s not, that inner voice becomes more strident and persuasive, almost like it’s speaking truth. And if we don’t quiet our inner critic, we end up demeaned and missing out on opportunities God may have for us.
According to Psychology Today, the paradox of an inner critic is sometimes helpful. Still, at other times, it’s harmful because, ultimately, it’s trying to “protect us from the shame of failure.”
This makes me wonder, if I’m ashamed of failing, am I trusting myself or trusting God? When we’re walking in the things God has given us to do, we can rest in the fact that He is with us. He’s given us a role, but He also has a role. When we worry about failing, are we trying to control how God completes His role?
Tips for silencing the inner critic
First, we need to remember our value in God’s eyes. Even when we mess up or (gasp) fail at something He’s given us to do, our Father still loves us the same. When we remember that God walks with us through each challenge, each uncertainty, and each decision, the pressure to be perfect or perform “just so” lifts.
Other things we can do to silence those internal voices
- Become aware of when that inner critic starts speaking.
- Practice being kind to ourselves
- Shift our perspective. At times, we will mess up. Our best effort at the moment isn’t enough. We’ll say or do the wrong thing. Remember, perfection isn’t the standard (okay, maybe it is if you’re a neurosurgeon in the middle of a delicate surgery, but you get my point).
The question is, when we mess up, where will we go in our thoughts? Will we allow the inner critic to beat us up? Or will we look for what we can learn to handle things better next time?
We need to recognize when that critical voice speaks out of turn. We may not be able to silence that inner critic, but we can change the direction of our thoughts.
- Take time to evaluate and decide how we’ll handle the situation differently next time.
- Ask God to show us His perspective.
- Speak to ourselves the way God speaks to us. He never heaps criticism on us. He may correct us. This is good. But let’s not be harder on ourselves than God is.
Silencing the inner critic will help us grow in confidence to fulfill God’s calling.
Conclusion
As for that morning when I found myself battling the inner critic, I expanded my gaze outward. The other writer and I are at different places in our writing journey. God has given each of us different voices and different life themes. He gave me my story and will use it in ways He pleases.
My story didn’t stink. It was just different. As I considered it, I saw a couple of holes I could work to fill in that would strengthen my work.
God never expects perfection from us. He wants a heart that desires to honor Him in our words, actions, and choices. The inner critic’s voice will quiet down when this is our focus.
What about you? What helps you in silencing the inner critic? What Bible verses or passages help you remember your value?
Next week, we’ll link up at Donna’s at Serenity and Suffering. Be sure to bookmark this so you can find it easily. 😊
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Wonderful post, Jeanne. This question is helpful for me on several fronts: “When we worry about failing, are we trying to control how God completes His role?” And this: “He’s given us a role, but He also has a role.” I’m thankful that He knows how to fulfill His role much better than I do. In my own life and in the lives of my loved ones. 🙂
Lois, thanks for your encouragement. I’m thankful God knows how to fulfill His role (WAY better than me) too. Especially in the lives of my loved ones. 🙂
Jeanne, yes, the inner critic can be such a strong voice, jumping up and down, grabbing attention. The more we embrace and celebrate who we are in Christ, the clearer our vision of who we are becomes. I’m so grateful!
Linda, YES. As we embrace and celebrate who we are in Christ, that inner critic loses its ability to define us, if that makes sense. I always appreciate your wisdom, my friend.
Jeanne, thank you for these tips to silence our inner critic. I so need these and to think that our thoughts can hold us back from God’s best for our lives. Your wisdom and words are so helpful.
Deborah, aligning our thoughts with Jesus’ thoughts seems like a multi-faceted journey. I find that the Lord shows me different areas where the inner critic still speaks too loudly. In me, He works on cdertain areas rather than every area simultaneously. I’m glad you found this post helpful. 🙂
This is great advice, I used to be a hostage to my inner critic. But as I age and mature in Christ. I’m able to kick her to the curb when she rears her ugly green head. Bye critical me.
Thanks’ to you and Donna for hosting this amazing group and making us a space to gather.
Paula, it does seem that as we age and mature in our relationship with Jesus, that inner critic loses some power. Thanks for being a faithful visitor and commenter here, Paula!
These are some thoughtful ways to silence our inner critic! Thanks, Jeanne!
Thank you, Kathy!
A timely reminder, Jeanne, to listen to His voice – and all others must line up with His voice if they are to be given any credence.
Yes, Lisa! When we listen to God’s voice that can be the plumbline for the other voices that try to gain authority in our heads. Great insight!
Great advice Jeanne ☺️
Blessings, Jennifer
Thank you, my friend.
Look up and ask for God’s perspective. I love that for when we are inner critic gets the upper hand.
There’s a song I’ve turned to when I feel discouraged called “Today is Beautiful” by David Dunn.
“But if you lift your eyes
See it in a different light
Just a cloud up in the open sky
Let the rain fall away
‘Cause today is beautiful (hey!)”
Have a beautiful day!
Lynn, those lyrics…I need to find that song. Thank you for sharing it here!
That inner critic certainly never learned the word grace! I try to remember I am who I am by the grace of God. And His grace is sufficient.
Debbie, so true! The inner critic doesn’t know how to give grace. Remembering who we are by God’s grace helps counteract the criticisms we sometimes fall prey to. Thank goodnes sGod’s grace is always sufficient!
I don’t got no inner critic,
and laugh at all who criticize
If they wanna get specific,
then they should wear my disguise
as I deal with Really Dreadful,
as I deal with Loss Of Hope.
Are you feeling kinda awful?
I can show ya howta cope!
Just grab another fifth of Jack,
put some Kenny Chesney on,
lay the shotgun in its rack
and drink until the break of dawn
and you will find morn bright and true
with Lord God drinking next to you.
Andrew, your words convey a sense of truly knowing who you are. Which definitely helps with not being too critical toward ourselves. 🙂 Praying for you and Barb, my friend.
It is so important to remember God’s love and that he created us to be different from others. I love your points about seeking God’s perspective and speaking to ourselves as he speaks to us. Even when he is correcting us, his voice is never harsh or critical, but I know my own can be at times!
Lesley, you’re right. Our Father’s voice, even when He’s correcting, is never critical. My inner voice can also be critical. Thank you for your visit, friend!
I try to keep a Romans 8:1 perspective for I know that God is absolutely committed to my growth and maturity—but without condemnation!
Michele, a Romans 8:1 perspective . . . love that. Your words bring to mind Phil 1:6, He’s started a work—His work—in us and He’ll be faithful to complete it. Love your words, friend.
By the way, the Linky is saying it doesn’t open for 14 days.
It helps me to remember that without Him I can do nothing. But through Him, I can. He’s the One who calls and equips. As you said, we do need to be able to evaluate our work, or let others do so, in order to learn, improve, and have our blind spots revealed. But just beating ourselves up is demeaning and wastes time and energy.
Barbara, I appreciate your insights here! When we remember we are not our own, but we are created for a God-given purpose, it’s easier to avoide the negative side of comparison. Your thoughts resonate, my friend.
The party is not open 😔
I’m so sorry about that! I’m not sure what happened. I changed up the link if you want to try again. Again, I’m sorry.