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Does anyone else find themselves in a continuing mode to overcome perfectionism?
If you’ve seen some of my recent social media posts, you know I had the opportunity to go on a “Girlfriend Getaway” to . . .
Hawaii.
Yes, three of us each flew to the Big Island of Hawaii from our corners of the country to spend a week together. And can I say it was Uh-MAY-Zing?! We soaked in God’s beauty in the forms of vibrantly colored flowers, aqua-tinted crashing waves upon a black sand beach, and waterfalls, among other things. We took things at a restful pace, giving our bodies, hearts, minds, and souls the space to refresh.
While there, I caught myself tripping up in some of my thought processes. I held myself to unnecessary expectations. I belittled myself because I was less than perfect in some small way.
I was in Paradise on Earth and only saw the perceived ugly in myself. If I said, “Let’s be ready to get on the road by 9:00.” And it was 9:10 before I was ready to go? That wasn’t good enough.
Throughout the week, we reminded each other that we were on “island time.” This meant I didn’t have to worry about meeting self-imposed deadlines. Honestly? My two friends didn’t care if I was ready at 9:00 or 9:10.
So why was I so concerned that I beat myself up over such a small detail?
Has anyone else ever dealt with this?
Mindset shifts we can make to begin to overcome perfectionism
Often, the first steps to overcome perfectionism help us to change the way we view ourselves and our situation.
Look at the big picture of the situation
Sometimes, we must be ready for an appointment by a specific time. But how many times do we focus on the minutiae of a moment rather than evaluating the overall scope of the situation? When we can picture the entire context of a circumstance, it’s easier to be kind to ourselves.
Redirect our thoughts
One other friend and I quickly cut ourselves down when we did something we thought was wrong. Instead, let’s view ourselves through God’s eyes of grace rather than our condemnation. I suspect negative self-thoughts stem from insecurity. When we are confident in who we are in Jesus, insecurity slides away.
7 Effective First Steps to Overcome Perfectionism—When we are confident in who we are in Jesus, insecurity slides away #tellhisstory #perfectionism Click To TweetDon’t put stress on ourselves to do everything perfectly for others.
In planning this trip, I wanted everything to be perfect and relaxing for my friends. I pressured myself to do everything possible to take care of every detail. You know what? They didn’t want perfect; they wanted the three of us to have time together relaxing. Which meant I needed to learn how to relax my self-expectations.
Find the balance
between wanting to bless others, no matter the personal cost, and giving grace for imperfections that may come about. No one expects us to be perfect, least of all our Father.
Choose presence over perfection
Part of how we do this is by easing our busyness to be available for where God wants us in a given day. When our hearts are still rather than busy, we are more able to receive His promptings.
Stop worrying about inconveniencing others
Because I don’t want to be a “burden,” I (again) pressure myself to conform to others’ timelines and expectations. We must permit ourselves to take the time required on tasks we must complete. Sometimes, this may affect others, but true friends and those who care about us often flex when we need that.
Live on “Island Time.”
Island Time is an actual thing in some parts of the world. In my mind, it means taking things as they come rather than trying to force things to happen on a timetable. When we give ourselves the grace to move slower through our days, we’re better equipped to handle the unexpected, be attuned to God’s promptings to reach out to others, and pivot when the day demands it.
7 Effective First Steps to Overcome Perfectionism—When we give ourselves the grace to move slower through our days, we're better equipped to handle the unexpected #tellhisstory #perfectionism Click To Tweet
How do we shift our thoughts to live with an “island time vibe?”
- Ask and trust God to direct your steps at the beginning of each day. And hold your minutes in a loose hand rather than a tight fist.
- Have open time in your schedule so that you aren’t stressed out if something does pivot.
- Remember, for believers in Jesus, our days are not our own. We belong to Him, meaning He should direct our daily steps.
Conclusion
On about Day Four, God brought to mind a phrase I’d first read in Robin Jones Gunn’s book Sisterchicks Do the Hula. It’s a paraphrase from the Message version of Matthew 11:28-30. “Unforced rhythms of grace.”
God gives us grace. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He wants us to live and flow with the rhythm of our lives He ordained for us.
He showed me that to live in the unforced rhythms of grace, I need to:
- Relax the pressure I place on myself to do everything to the highest possible standard. Sometimes, good is better than best.
- Be kind to myself in how I think about myself. I’m God’s girl. Beloved. Imperfectly perfect in His eyes. Enough. I am working to adjust my thoughts regarding me.
As I changed my thoughts, perfectionism’s hold loosened. I eased up the pressure and changed the negative thoughts to something more accurate. And I believed my friends were for me, not impatiently tapping their toes when I was holding up the works.
This was my favorite trip to Hawaii, probably because God showed me the beginning steps to overcome perfectionism by living in His unforced rhythms of grace.
What about you? What helps you overcome perfectionism? How have mindset shifts helped you develop healthier thought processes?
*****Update on the Tell His Story link-up. I’ll host the link-up here for the rest of October. I have not heard from anyone who would like to take on hosting the wonderful Tell His Story link-up, so the final link-up will be on Tuesday October 30th.
Even after the link-up ends, I’ll continue to blog here, and I truly hope we can all stay connected in this community. I will look forward to continuing to visit with you all at my place and yours!
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetEach week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
It’s wonderful to get away with girlfriends! They can bring out the best in us. I want the best for them too! So I’ll fall into perfectionism, thinking they’ll have a better time if have all things perfect! It’s taken time, but I am learning that people are responsible their reactions, not me.
Lynn, it sure is wonderful to get away with girlfriends! I see I’m not the only one who falls into the lie, “They’ll have a better time if I have everything perfect.” Yes, that’s exactly what I faced in Hawaii. I love your reminder that people are responsible for their own reactions. On this particular trip, that’s something God showed me. And they were having a perfectly wonderful time, which was my prayer. 🙂
I’m so glad that you and your friends were able to slip away for a week of refreshment, Jeanne. I’m sad to see Tell His Story ending, but I understand that seasons change, and I pray this next season is full of wonderful agape moments for you personally, for your family, and in your writing.
Thank you, Lisa. Thank you for your kind words. I will continue to blog just not hosting the THS link-up anymore. I hope we can stay connected. I’m certain my next season will hold agape moments! 🙂
I read and enjoyed many of the Sisterchicks books years ago. I used to struggle with perfectionism a long time ago–or more with the idea that *nothing* turns out completely perfectly, no matter how much time and effort I put into it. What helped was that God loved me when I was farthest from perfect, when I was all sin, before I knew Him. Yet He pursued me. Even still, “he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” He’s not expecting perfection in this life. Jesus was perfect in our place. What a relief! He just wants us to believe Him, walk with Him, trust Him, depend on Him.
Barbara, God’s love is powerful and amazing, isn’t it? Thank goodness our Father does not expect perfection in this life. I just forget that truth sometimes. I love your words here, friend.
I used to really struggle with perfectionism but I have definitely made progress. I think a big part of it was a deeper experience of God’s love and understanding that he isn’t looking for me to be perfect. A lot of the expectations and pressure were just coming from myself.
Lesley, hooray for progress! I believe you’re right. When we experience God’s love and understanding, we begin to understand His grace for us. I’m so thankful He doesn’t look for us to be perfect. I, like you, tend to place expectations and pressure on myself (as you read!). I guess I need lots of opportunities to grasp some concepts.
Jeanne, I’m so glad this turned into your favorite trip to Hawaii. I love the idea of living with an “island time vibe.” 🙂
Thank you, my friend! I’m working to live with that island-time vibe on a daily basis. Some days are easier than others. 😉
Oh Jeanne, thank you for this. I need to remind myself so often to view myself “through God’s eyes of grace rather than our condemnation.” I’m glad you had a helpful getaway with friends! I LOVE the sea turtle, too! 🙂 May we more and more learn to live in those unforced rhythms of grace!
Trudy, you and I have both had to grapple with the whole viewing ourselves through God’s grace perspective rather than our own condemnation. Let’s choose to hold fast to the truth that His grace for us never runs out. 🙂 I’m so glad you like the sea turtle! Seeing him (and snapping a ton of pics) was on my bucket list. One of the many things God did that week. 🙂
“Choose presence over perfection.” I like that one, Jeanne. I like Island time too. Sounds like Abiding time. I’ve never hosted blogs before. I imagine it takes work, planning, and follow-through. Thank you for the time you’ve given to hosting us!
Debbie, God really made it clear to me the importance of being present and choosing to live on island time rather than on timelines I (or others sometimes) push me to adhere to. Hosting a blog link-up isn’t too difficult. 🙂 I so appreciate your presence here each week!
I’m pretty clear that my perfectionism is linked to pride…
Hard to admit, but motivation is everything in this following life.
Grinning, Michele. I sooo understand how that pride piece slips in and messes with our understanding of things. Motivation is everything in this following life.
No, it is not perfect,
and I can see all the mistakes,
but it’s not something to reject,
because it has that which it takes
to do what it has to do,
not fail in any way,
and when all its work is through
at the fading end of day
its clumsy small deficiencies
will be o’ershadowed by its scars,
and the lines of such as these
are not that which truly mars
what in strength has played its part,
my battered and triumphant heart.
Andrew, this is beautiful. Our hearts are more capable than we sometimes realize. And yours . . . imperfect, yet perfect for what God has given you to do. So thankful for you and your words, my friend. You and Barb are in my prayers.
I loved the SisterChicks series and remember the hula story well. It’s amazing how even from fiction, a life lesson can stick!
Joanne, I think that series is one of my most favorite-ever. And yes, fiction is story, which equals a unique way to convey truths. 🙂
Ahhh, letting go of perfectionism Jeanne is not easy, it has taken me some 18 years of living with chronic illness to let it go but every now & then it still trips me up!
I’ve come to realise that God created me, He loves & sees me through the blood of His Son, Jesus & there isn’t anything I can do to be more perfect then that!
I’m saddened to hear our get together will be ending at the end of this month but do understand the responsibility that goes with hosting which you do extremely well.
Blessings sweet friend, Jennifer
Jennifer, I’m so much better than I used to be about perfectionism, but it still trips me up sometimes too! 🙄 When we understand that God sees us through the filter of His Son, it’s easier to give ourselves grace to be imperfect.
We may have someone who is able to continue hosting. I’ll share as I have more information. either way, I plan to continue blogging, and I hope we’ll stay connected that way! So thankful for you, friend!