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Do you know how to deal with fear?
For me, this has been a lifelong learning process. Before I married Hubs, I had no problem sleeping alone in the house I rented with a friend. I fell asleep, not worried about boogey men or things that went bump in the night, and I awoke refreshed each morning.
Then I married my husband. Some months after our wedding, he left to attend a three-month school across the country. No problem. I could do this alone thing.
Only, I couldn’t.
Night after night, my thoughts either obsessed over the question, “What if God chooses to take my husband rather than let me grow old with him?” Or, every creak in the house caused my eyes to pop open, my heart to race, and my mind to dash to the possible worst-case scenario.
When fear creeps in
Sometimes, fear creeps in without us realizing it. When circumstances slam us in many areas of our lives simultaneously, underlying anxiety may surface and wreak havoc. We have to know how to deal with fear.
And this begins by acknowledging it.
The good thing is, Jesus doesn’t judge us for being fearful, though He doesn’t want us to live in a constant state of fear. Here’s some of what I’m learning about how to deal with fear.
8 Essential How To's for When We Must Deal With Fear— Jesus doesn’t judge us for being fearful, though He doesn't want us to live in a constant state of fear #tellhisstory #dealwithfear Click To Tweet
How to deal with fear in minds and hearts
Fear impacts us on many levels. In our minds (as I talked about last time), on a heart level, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Mindsets
- Take time to pray, journal, or talk with trusted friends about what lies at the foundation of our fear. When we understand why we’re struggling, we can begin to deal with fear in a healthy way.
- Be intentional about understanding the root. Be aware of our thoughts. When they begin to amp us up physically (rapid heartbeat, uneven breathing) or emotionally (our thoughts get stuck circling around the thing/thought causing fear), we need to identify it. Knowing which thoughts are triggers enables us to learn how to deal with that fear
- Change our perspective about the thing/circumstance we fear. If we can view that fear from a different angle, we can diffuse the emotion wrapping around us
Mindset Shifts to help us deal with fear
- Often, our fears are unrealistic, but in the moment they strike, we can’t see anything but that worst-case scenario. Take a moment to think about how many times you’ve heard of that exact fearful situation happening. And if it’s something like a fear of having a heart attack (yes, this happens to people we know and love), remember truths about our health, or whatever it is we fear in the moment.
- NHS Inform in Scotland encourages us to: “Think about what you would say to a friend dealing with this same fear.”
- When we know the foundation of our fear, we can find specific Bible verses to memorize and lean on when fear-laced thoughts snake into our minds.
- Think on what is true (Phil 4:8). When we fix our thoughts on the truths we know about God we can deal with fear in a healthy way. It may take time to settle those fearsome thoughts. Make a list about what you know is true about God in the situation evoking fear. Journal it. Speak it out loud. Pray those truths. Remember our God is faithful. He’s shown up in our past, and He’ll be here in our present.
Heart-Sets:
- When our minds spin us up, it takes time to calm down enough to deal with fear. I’ve heard it said that what starts in the mind, goes to the heart, and eventually comes out the mouth or through our actions. When we’re dealing with fear, we must choose. Will we allow it to plant roots in our hearts and control us, or will we bring it to God?
- We always have a choice when fear pokes its head into our hearts: focus on God or obsess about the fear. Focusing on the fear leaves us an emotional wreck. We begin thinking about that thing we fear, and then we escalate it by imagining the worst-case scenario. Before we know it, we’ve already given into the emotion as if that scenario has become reality.
- When we focus on God, we acknowledge He is bigger than our fear. Greater is He who is in us than he who is in this world. God is not the author of fear. But the enemy of our souls will use it to distract and destroy us if he can.
- Understanding the root of our fear—and our triggers—enables us to remember God’s truths. We can memorize scriptures that redirect our brains and remind our hearts that God’s got us. He will hold us. Our Father will bring us through the hard moments, difficult situations, and uncertain circumstances. Because He loves us.
Until our hearts cling to the truth that God is bigger than any fear, than any circumstance, we’re unable to overcome fear.
Conclusion
It took most of the three months Hubs was gone for me to master that fear of losing him or of the house being broken into. The thoughts always struck at night. So, I confessed them to the Lord. I reminded myself of truths . . .
. . . God knew the plans He had for us, and they were good plans.
. . . Even if the worst did happen, my Father would walk with me through it
. . . God was my protector; I had nothing to fear
Learning how to deal with fear requires discipline and taking intentional action. In time, as my heart clung to the truths about God’s character, my mind stopped racing. I began sleeping again. And I experienced His peace instead of the uncertainty fear gives us.
What about you? What have you learned about how to deal with fear? How has God helped your heart overcome fear?
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Anita Ojeda, Instaencouragements, and sometimes Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
We have some new faces here, which is great! The #tellhisstory linkup switches between my site (first, third, and fifth Tuesdays of the month) and Lisa Jordan’s place (second and fourth Tuesdays). Remember to swing by her place next week to link up and read other wonderful posts!
Jeanne, I like how you said we need to understand the root cause of our fear. That’s a good word. Because until we get to the root of the issue, we will likely never correctly battle our fears and where our mind takes us.
Karen, you’re right. It’s only when we understand the root issue that we can effectively battle fear and its impact on our thoughts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here!
I can relate to the type of fear you experienced, Jeanne. It still raises its ugly face for me when someone is late coming home. Even 10 or 15 minutes can cause my heart to race and my thoughts to start imagining worst-case scenarios. Going through your list of mindsets and heart-sets makes me realize that I should come up with a plan for what to do next time this happens, if it’s only to pray and intentionally distract myself somehow while I wait for my loved one to come home. I’m glad you were able to get used to your husband being gone and finally get some sleep. 😊
Yes, with older teens, there are many nights when one or both of them are out after my bedtime. I’m learning how to fall asleep rather than allowing my mind to fret and get spun up. I love your thoughts here, friend.
focusing on God in the times of fear is so important, and I find that I can do that best if I read His word and pray. Thanks for your insights, Jeanne
Kathy, yes, reading God’s word and praying are so helpful for reorienting our thoughts and hearts. Thanks for sharing what works best for you!
Yes, fear can come to us all & often when we least expect it, it kind of creeps in & before we know it we’re swimming in it!
I’ve noticed the same Jeanne that fear or anxiety can knock on the door of our hearts often at night when our cortisol levels are unbalanced.
Being aware of this helps to look to the Lord at that time knowing a good night’s sleep, resting in His love & care, will balance our neurological chemistry as well as our spirits. 😊
Blessings,
Jennifer
Jennifer, I agree. Being aware of when we are more susceptible to fear is important, especially when that time is at night. I’m so thankful the Lord is always available to us, always able to help us to rest in Him rather than succumb to fear. I loved your thoughts here!
Fear comes in on padding feet,
circles room on soft dun wing,
makes the dread of night complete,
but, hey, baby, here’s the thing,
fear is not a solid dude;
point of fact, fear is a ghost
that’s simply seeking to intrude
in where the Lord is needed most.
So pilgrim, go on, chase your fear
and look real close on where it stays,
and only then will you draw near
to the wherefores and the ways
in which your praise and faith was flawed,
and come now closer to your God.
Andrew, I so loved this poem!I really love the visual of fear being a ghost that wants to intrude on where the Lord is needed most. I need to remember this on those days when fear tries to gain the upper hand. So well written, my friend. I continue to pray for you and Barb!
I also struggled with this fear when my husband worked midnights years ago. I learned to read Psalm 91 over and over to calm my fears. Eventually, I was able to sleep each night without fear. (Although I do still wake up if I hear a weird sound!)
Jerralea, I’m sorry you struggled with this fear too. I guess it’s a common way God teaches us to trust Him. Psalm 91 is a great one to think on when we have fears that need calming. Thank you for sharing that!!
I went through something similar in our early years of marriage. The Lord used that time to reveal how some early losses had affected my ability to trust Him and took me back to what I knew to be true about Him.
Deb, God has a way of using current things (like fears) to reveal the impact of aspects of our pasts. I’m so thankful for His tenderness toward us and His determination to help us find healing for past hurts so we can walk in His peace and freedom. Thank you for sharing this!
Great thoughts on fear, Jeanne. I like that you addressed “mindset” issues, for most fear begins and enlarges in our minds. Being able to employ Phil 4:8 and 2 Corinthains 10:5 is so helpful! I also appreciated your comment that Jesus does not judge us for our fear, to the contrary, he invites us to come to him with all our fears.
Yes, Donna, I’ve come to realize most fears do begin and enlarge in our minds. I’m so glad you mentioned 2 Corinthians 10:5. That is another powerful verse for redirecting our thoughts. I’m so thankful our Savior holds His arms open wide to us, even when we’re dealing with fears.
Oh, this is such a good post. I can relate. Our world is so uncertain right now, and there is so much to fear. My fear always comes at night too. I do everything you say, but it’s so hard! God must know that, why else would he tell us “not to fear” so many times in the Bible?
Amy, you’re right. There’s a lot of uncertainty in our world right now. If we’re not careful, the fear this invokes can consume us. It can be hard to overcome those night-stalking fears. Thank goodness He reminds us not to fear and that He is bigger than our fears. Thanks for sharing transparently here today. 🙂
I relate to hearing every little creak and noise when my husband is out of town. You give great tips for dealing with fear. My fears are often unrealistic. It’s not that they couldn’t happen, but it’s usually highly unlikely, and it’s rarely anything I could control if it did happen. It helps me to remember that God will be with me even if the worst thing does happen.
Lisa, as I’m reading comments today, I’m realizing (and relieved) I’m not the only one who has dealt with these kinds of fears. I’m like you . . . my fears are also often unrealistic. And my fears are also often things that would be beyond my control if they were to happen. Remembering God is with us makes such a difference in our well-being, doesn’t it?
Thee first time Pedro had to spend the night away after we moved to Arizona, I decided to let our dog sleep inside. I barricaded the area around the front door and told her to stay. At two in the morning, I sat straight up in bed—the hall floorboards were creaking with slow, deliberate footsteps! 😱
Logically, I knew it couldn’t be a person (unless they had taken out my 60- lb German Shepherd who would have barked before they opened the door). But I didn’t think our dog could make the hall floorboards creak. Finally, I said a prayer, flipped on a light, and carefully got out of bed and opened my bedroom door. Bella looked at me sheepishly, I laughed, and told her to go back to her rug. I had no idea she weighed enough to make the floorboards creak!
Anytime I’m home alone now, and irrational fears assail me, I remember my attempt to keep myself safe and all the sleep I lost in doing so. Bella did much better as an outside dog, and I did better by entrusting my safety to God.
Anita, I grinned through your story. But, even more, I love your truth at the end. When we entrust our safety to God, we will be able to walk (or sleep) in peace.
Learning to speak truth to ourselves is so important — And then to fear God more than we fear anything else.
Yes, Michele. Such wisdom in your words, my friend.
I had a similar experience when we were newlyweds and my husband took a third shift job. I had never slept alone in a house before that, and I was a basket case! It took a long time to go from circling through myriad “what ifs” to trusting God for whatever He allowed. But He gives grace as we repeatedly remind ourselves of His Word.
Barbara, it took me a while to stop circling through all the what if’s too. I love that God helped you come to a place where you could trust God for whatever He allowed. And yes, you’re right. God does give grace as we continually focus on His word.
I don’t sleep well until my husband comes to bed. I don’t sleep well traveling ( whether or not he’s with me).
Barbara, we have similar issues. 🙂 It’s funny how our minds and hearts and bodies depend on our spouses in this way. Thanks for sharing!