Have you ever felt disappointed in God when He did things differently than you expected?
Planning is my superpower. After Hubs and I married, we planned to wait a year and then start trying to have children. We anticipated pregnancy taking a year, and that was fine. We saw no problem with our plan, and we (or maybe I) expected God would give us a pregnancy.
When a year came and went, I struggled with God’s choice to not allow us to conceive. I was hurt, angry, and in time, landed on depression. I was doing all the things . . . spending time in His word, praying for others and praying for God to answer my heart’s prayer for a baby, I served at church and helped friends.
Yet God seemed unmoved by my devotion. Two years, and then more, came and went, and my arms remained empty. I was disappointed in God. “Why” questions haunted my thoughts daily.
Haven’t we all endured times when we faced disappointment with God and how He has (or hasn’t) worked things in our lives? Sometimes, He seems distant when we walk through trials . . .
- When relationships are broken because of a choice we or the other person made?
- We do everything we can to achieve a goal and we fall short?
- Prayers for healing are answered with a “no”?
- Plans we’ve made for something important don’t yield what we expected?
- A heart’s desire is withheld?
Here’s the thing . . . God is not beholden to us. Do we “do all the things” with a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” mindset? God is not indebted to us because we follow His rules. When we make choices that reflect a Christian life, we should be doing so because we love our Father, not because we’re expecting a payoff.
Disappointed in God—4 Ways To Change Our Perspective—When we make choices that reflect a Christian life, we should be doing so because we love our Father, not because we’re expecting a payoff #tellhisstory #dealingwithdisappointment Click To TweetWhat God wants
More than anything, God wants our hearts. He wants us to love Him unhindered, not with an agenda. This is challenging when we’re programmed to want things, to seek achievement, to desire good for those we love and for ourselves.
The truth is, God knows the trying circumstances are what draw us into a deeper relationship with Him. Those times when He doesn’t meet our expectations are when we’re confronted with our beliefs about God.
When we attempt to skirt around the tough stuff of life or we try to control each aspect of our lives when we lay out our plans and say, “Bless this, God!” we place ourselves on the throne of our lives.
We often call Jesus the Lord of our lives, but we don’t always live as though He is. It’s easier to be the one who calls the shots. The person who makes the plans. Carries them out. Is responsible for the results. Cleans up after the mess our plans make.
Being self-sufficient feels easier in some ways. Holding the perceived control of our lives gives us a sense of power and invulnerability. And this hardness in ourselves leaves us disappointed with God when His plans are different.
God—the Lord of our lives—wants the throne. Not to manipulate us, but to conform us into the image of Jesus.
If we are Christians and we call Jesus “Lord,” we should be living yielded to Him.
This can be difficult and requires a huge perspective change!
Instead of expecting God to do our bidding, we should ask Him to enable us to do His.
Disappointed in God—4 Ways To Change Our Perspective—Instead of expecting God to do our bidding, we should ask Him to enable us to do His #tellhisstory #dealingwithdisappointment Click To TweetHow do we make this perspective change?
The process takes time, awareness, and intentional effort.
Four changes to help when we feel disappointed in God
Notice each one of these suggestions invites God into the equation.
- Know God’s character. This forms our beliefs about Him. We gain an understanding of our Father’s character by reading in His word.
- Believe God is trustworthy. Our Father promises He has good plans for our lives. Not necessarily easy plans. But His plans for us are always good.
- Talk with the Lord about our plans, but don’t tell Him what His role is in completing them. Instead, we should hold our plans out, with hands open wide, so He can take them and do what He knows is best.
- Ask God what His plans are. And ask Him to give us the heart (and the courage) to follow them.
This requires us to trust God. It’s easy to say we trust Him when things go the way we expect. But what about when painful circumstances enter the picture? Navigating unexpected situations can shake our belief in God, and our understanding of Him.
When He allows “hard” into our lives, we must choose between self-focus and being disappointed in God or believing He is who He says He is, in spite of our circumstances. Trusting that our Father loves us, that His plans for us are good—even when they’re hard—is how we find peace.
We must trust God’s way is better than what we desire, especially when we don’t understand. Believing God’s word helps us embrace this truth. God’s ways are higher than ours. His plans are more far-reaching than we can conceive.
Conclusion
It takes time to work through disappointment and realign our hearts with His. It’s okay to grapple with disappointment. But, let’s do this with God, not on our own. God’s goal is that we are conformed into the image of Jesus.
Being conformed means being reshaped into Jesus’ likeness.
When we’re tempted to hold God to certain expectations, let’s confess that. Remember that God sees the entire landscape of our lives, whereas we only see the moments we’re living in. God sees us from the perspective of what He wants to do in our lives. And His plans are so much better than we can imagine.
What about you? What have you learned about holding God to expectations? How have you worked through times when you felt disappointed in God’s plans?
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Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
This post resonates with me so much, Jeanne. Learning to hold my desires loosely and trust God to fulfill His plans has been a lifelong journey. Now I can say I’m grateful for the foundation that was laid during my own years of infertility, but at the time, it was definitely a one-day-at-a-time process. Now I think about my girls making THEIR ways in the world and find that I’m holding on to the promise of God’s faithfulness even more than I did before. One day at a time, yet again. ❤️
Jeanne, this so touched me. As I reflect upon the 5-year gap of infertility between my oldest and youngest daughters. I ended up having to have surgery for polycystic ovaries to see if I could conceive again, and I did. I remember my heartache and disappointment. While I prayed and lamented to God, at that time in my life I was a luke warm Christian. The thing missing during that time? My relationship with him. I now face the heartache of my oldest daughter age 25 who is a prodigal and estranged from me. I have no idea why. It’s taken time for me to place her back into his arms as she was his before she was mine. I am now able to praise and worship him despite my heartache and am okay with his wait now.
Visiting from #20
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The link is included in the post I shared.
God’s sovereignty has been a big issue for me through the years. I’ve come to realize that while He is fully sovereign, evil and suffering still maintain a hold in our world. We live in the time of “already but not yet”. One day, all things will be fully restored. Until then, I trust in the one who rose again and lives as the supreme example of restoration.
Blessings,
Tammy
Thanks so much for your good insights on dealing with the disappointment we sometimes feel with the Lord. Trusting Him through those times does bring us closer to His heart!
Acabei de ler este artigo e achei muito interessante, bem detalhado as informações gostei.
Renata Fan Altura
Thank you, Renata. I’m glad you found this helpful. 🙂
This is such a good message! A few years ago, when my husband was about 58, he needed his aortic valve replaced. He’d been born with a two-leaf heart valve, which doesn’t have the longevity of a three leaf. His condition was critical. During the pre-surgery testing, a nodule was found in his lung. It ended up being stage 1 lung cancer. How he walked through these challenges amazed me. He told me he never prayed that it wouldn’t be cancer (they didn’t know for sure until they went in to lung lobe about two weeks after his valve was replaced with the TAVR procedure) – because He knew God had the solution and he didn’t want to put God in a box. Trusting that God has the “all is well” plan (2 Kings 4:26) was how we walked through that season – and how we strive to walk daily. Learning to wait and to live in the wait of those prayers sent out is where the most important part of living happens! I sure wish I didn’t need these challenges to draw closer to God, but each challenge, in hindsight, has been worth how it has drawn me closer to God and let me know Him better!
Maryleigh, your husband’s story is an inspiration. Those times of not knowing what’s going on in or around us requires a lot of trust. I’m glad everything turned out okay for you guys. It is interesting how God may allow one health situation that reveals another, more serious one. Many years ago, my father-in-law had a minor heart attack. As the doctors worked on him, they discovered an aortic aneurysm and were able to treat that. They never would have found it without him having had the heart attack.
May we always choose to walk trusting the Lord, keeping our eyes looking up. May we believe God is bringing about an “all is well” plan in our lives. I loved what you said here: “to live in the wait of those prayers sent out is where the most important part of living happens!” Beautiful words, friend.
God knows the big picture. There is a lot of comfort in His knowing. Now, my part is to accept that He knows even when I am disappointed. Acceptance of His sovereignty is an every day surrender, isn’t it?
Lynn, yes to all you said! God’s sovereignty also reveals His love for us, even when we may not understand why He’s working the way He is in our lives. And yes, accepting His sovereignty IS an everyday surrender!
I’m old enough to have experienced some serious disappointments in life, and I’ve asked a number of times, “God, what ARE you doing?!” But I don’t think I’ve ever been disappointed with HIM. I just haven’t understood his plan, the direction in which he was taking me/our family–and really wanted to! Oh, the lessons of trust, patience, perseverance, and more he’s taught me. In hindsight I can see–at least in part–the had purpose in every single disappointment that came my/our way. And I must trust him for future challenges that surely await. (You have my permission to remind me when the next disappointment arises!)
Nancy, transferring our question and emotions to a question like you shared is so good. When we’re feeling disappointment about a situation, this best thing we can do is choose to trust God in the middle of it. It’s good we can look back on those kinds of situations and see how God worked…it’s such an encouragement in future situations. I loved your insights here. Thanks for sharing!
This is a great post, Jeanne! The story of Joseph is one that always helps me in times of disappointment. So many things happened to him that were bad or unfair but when you look at the big picture of his story you can see that God was still there and working out a plan for good. It helps me to trust in those moments where one particular bit of my story is not what I want it to be, and it gives me hope that God is still working out something good.
Lesley, Joseph’s story is inspirational. Even with the hardships he endured, he kept faith in God, trusting Him. Wasn’t God good to give examples to help us remember His goodness and faithfulness?
I’m so thankful, He works everything for our good, Jeanne, “The truth is, God knows the trying circumstances are what draw us into a deeper relationship with Him.”
Lisa, I’m with you . . . so thankful God works everything for our good. Even the hard, painful circumstances can be worked for His good. And His love for us will shine through the tough stuff of life.
God is the Father of lights. There is no hidden darkness in Him. The darkness we experience doesn’t come from Him. I cling to the fact He is good even when life stinks.
LOVE your thoughts here, Deb!!
Are we disappointed in God or in ourselves for having the wrong motives or not abiding in His will?
Good question, Barbara! My initial thought is . . . it depends. 😉
Oh how I’ve known disappointment in God. Thank you for writing this and for pointing us back to what’s most important.
Lauren, thank you for sharing your honesty here. I’ve known disappointment in God too. Thank goodness He’s big enough to not be offended and to guide us into a better understanding of who He is and His love for us.
Such beautiful truth that really hits hime with me. I am the person who believed for many years that doing more equals a better relationship with God. I was well into my adult years before I understood that God loves me as I am and asking Him what His plans are for me is going to always go much better.
Mary, I love your honesty here. When I dealt with infertility I really struggled with understanding God’s sovereignty in not allowing us to conceive. But, it was in the grappling and struggling that I began to understand more about God’s character and His love for His kids. Like you, I’m so glad God loves us as we are. And like you, I’ve gotten much better about asking what His plans are. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by, friend!
I can honestly say I have never been disappointed with God. Have all my plans turned out the way I wanted them to? No! Did things work out as expected when I obeyed him and made that move? No! Instead of disappointment, I have questions for God. The more I serve God and the closer I walk with him the more I realize he is working out his plan for my life. At this point it has become an adventure especially the last two years.
Yvonne, your perspective is so healthy. I love this truth in your words: “The more I serve God and the closer I walk with him the more I realize he is working out his plan for my life.” Your open approach to God with questions but acceptance when his plans are different from yours is beautiful.
Jeanne, it’s inspiring when you share your journey to becoming a mother. But what’s the most noteworthy thing is how much your lesson is for all of us—trusting God’s plans and ways. Love this so much: “ When we make choices that reflect a Christian life, we should be doing so because we love our Father, not because we’re expecting a payoff.”
Karen, it seems like this choosing to live for our Father because we love Him and not for a payoff is something most of us have to learn as we mature in our walks with Jesus, isn’t it?
The first book I read by Philip Yancey was titled Disappointment with God. It was so freeing to admit my insufficient theology and learn to appreciate God as he truly is.
Michele, I love how you put this: “It was so freeing to admit my insufficient theology and learn to appreciate God as He truly is.” I believe that is a journey every believer must take at some point in the relationship with God.
That’s a terrific book. I found it helpful too.
It’s hard not to be disappointed when God doesn’t answer what seems to be a perfectly reasonable prayer request. But going back to His character has helped me so many times. He’s good, not capricious; He’s all-powerful, so He could grant the request; He’s all-knowing and wise, so He knows whether the request would be good for me and whether it’s the right time; He loves me and has my best interests at heart. It helps to remember, too, that prayer isn’t about getting God to do my will, but conforming me to His will–not always easy, but worth it.
Barb, I love your words. There’s a dichotomy, I think, about knowing what we request is reasonable, but also knowing God’s character. Sometimes, He doesn’t give us the reasonable thing because He knows it’s not His best for us. Coming to the place where we trust His character even when we don’t understand is a huge, important perspective shift, I think. Yes, prayer is about come in line with God’s plans, not insisting that our own be carried out. Love your thoughts here!
I know this may sound stupid,
and worse than that, quite odd,
but my mind’s still lucid,
and I’m OK with God.
I’d love not having cancer
(yeah, give that a miss!),
but yet I am a dancer
upon death’s precipice
to show the world it’s safe to twirl
upon the aching edge of time;
to laugh in arabesque and hurl
the trembling heart that once was mine
across the high and lonely air
to God, for His most tender care.
Andrew, I love this poem—the perspective, the imagery, the message. So beautiful. I continue to pray for you, Barb, and the “kids.”