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Is the importance of listening overrated?
When Hubs and I began dating, I often did the typical woman thing and tried to finish his sentences. I finally clued into his closed-off expression and attempted to still my lips. But that habit was a tough one to break.
Turns out, my husband values being able to complete his thoughts without my interruptions. As our relationship grew serious, I became intentional about listening to him without inserting my thoughts or trying to finish his.
I’ve discovered the importance of listening and the benefits it reaps. I’ve developed the habit of listening to people without interrupting. I’m not always successful, but I believe letting someone speak their thoughts without my breaking in shows respect.
The importance of listening
When our sons were younger and wanted to talk with me, I stopped what I was doing and gave them my full attention.
This action yielded the beautiful fruit of them feeling safe to talk with me when the problems went from someone hurting their feelings to the more significant issues teens deal with. Relationship grows when people value the importance of listening.
The importance of listening and 7 Ways it Benefits—Relationship grows when people value the importance of listening #tellhisstory #listenwell Click To TweetWhat are the characteristics of a good listener?
I’m not a “listening scientist,” but I’ve discovered skills that help me be an effective listener.
- Focus completely on the other person and what they are saying. Then, take time to consider the information and give a thoughtful response.
- While the other person conveys thoughts, try not to interject your inputs or opinions on what they’re sharing, even if their words are difficult to hear.
- Listen attentively to their complete thought. Because we live in a fast-paced culture, and for many other reasons, we tend to formulate our response while the other person is still speaking. Instead, listen so you don’t miss the message the other person is sharing, and then formulate a thoughtful response.
- Especially if you aren’t sure you grasp what they’re talking about, or if the topic is difficult for some reason, reflect back what they’ve said to ensure you have a clear understanding.
- Be intentional in your response to the other person. Especially if emotions are rising, don’t blurt out words before sifting them through a filter of grace. Is this hard? Sometimes. Will it preserve the relationship? Definitely.
Why is listening so important?
Active listening strengthens relationships. When we listen attentively, the other person feels valued.
The importance of listening and 7 Ways it Benefits—Active listening strengthens relationships. When we listen attentively, the other person feels valued #tellhisstory #listenwell Click To TweetI found with our sons, especially in their “big-emotions” teen years, if I stopped to listen to their frustration over something and I didn’t try to fix it right off the bat? They often revealed the underlying heart issue that caused their frustration. At times, it had nothing to do with the external events.
Once their emotions calmed, I could ask clarifying questions and offer guidance as they navigated the situation.
By the end of the conversations, they felt heard. And isn’t that what we so often yearn for?
Listening enables us to both grow in our communication skills and gather facts. It also gives us a better understanding of the other person.
Benefits of listening
The importance of listening is that we validate others when we do this well. Some benefits include:
- Trust is built. When the other person knows we’re genuinely listening to them, they grow to trust us. My sons confided in me because they knew I’d listen openly to them, even when what they had to say would be hard to hear.
- Relationships strengthen when we actively listen. We show respect when we listen to the other person.
- Intimacy is deepened. When others know they’re genuinely heard, they begin to feel safe with us. Being fully present and listening to another is an act of love.
- Helps resolve conflicts. When we listen rather than rebut or refute, we gain insight and understanding and maybe even glimpse the other person’s heart. All of this helps resolve conflict more smoothly.
- Offers a broader perspective. When we listen to another’s thoughts on a topic, we may think differently.
- We’ll better understand people and what their needs are. This makes a huge difference, especially in close relationships.
- We reflect God’s love for the speaker. Isn’t this what we most want? Sometimes, drawing someone to the Lord doesn’t take a single word. Quiet listening speaks volumes.
Conclusion
Who wrote the book on the importance of listening? God. Throughout the Bible, we see ways God listens to His people. Psalm 116:1-2 is probably one of my favorite examples.
“I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my pleas. Because He has inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.”
Can you picture it? God inclining His ear to us, leaning down to hear what’s on our hearts? This picture of listening stays with me from His word.
The next time someone wants to talk with you, try giving them the gift of your full attention, still lips, and a mind and heart open to whatever they have to say and discover your own benefits when you place importance on listening.
What about you? How do you gauge the importance of listening in your conversations? What are some things you do to listen well?
P.S. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser has offered to take on the Tell His Story link-up! I’m so grateful this beautiful community will have a place to meet! I’ll share details s they’re ironed out over the next couple of weeks.
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Inspire Me Monday, Instaencouragements, and Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
i love this whole idea that we can reflect God’s love as we listen deeply. you remind us that this isn’t just emotional intelligence but sacred work.
Linda, I love how you called listening well sacred work. I couldn’t agree more. 🙂
Wow–these are words of wisdom that I need to “listen” to again and again. While I know that listening is valuable, it’s still a struggle to give my fullest attention to even my sweet husband. Thanks for this reminder; I hope I’m listening well. 🙂 I’ll share this post Friday on my blog as the featured post for the Grace & Truth linkup.
Thank you also for being such a faithful host for Tell His Story. I’ll miss you hosting, but I’ll continue to read your blog! I’m about to step down from hosting Grace & Truth myself.
Lisa, in the busyness of life, I think most of us have a hard time giving our fullest attention to the people talking with us, maybe even especially those we love the most. 🙁 Thanks so much for sharing this post! Sorry for the delayed gratitude. I was sick last week. I appreciate your encouragement over the years. You, too, have been such a faithful host for Grace and Truth. I’ll continue to read your blog too!
I loved your list of the benefits of listening. I’ve focused on the how to listen better, but I see that this is also focusing on me instead of how my listening serves the one who is talking. I learned an acronym for WAIT– Why Am I Talking. In other words, to remember to listen instead of just talking. It’s also sometimes in the pause after someone speaks where intimacy and connection happens.
Lynn, yes, our listening serves and “speaks” to the person talking. 🙂 I really like your WAIT acronym! I’m going to remember that. I love what you said about how it can be “in the pause after someone speaks where intimacy and connection happens.” What a beautiful reminder!
What a beautiful post! I agree with all of this, but listening instead of jumping in to fix it is powerful – hard to do but powerful! Thank you for sharing!
Susan, listening instead of jumping in to fix goes against what it seems like we should do, doesn’t it? But yes, it’s so powerful. Thank you so much for visiting!
Jeanne, such a good and needed message. Love your tips to effective listening and the benefits it brings. Reflecting and restating what the other person said is so key to understanding clearly. It’s so easy to think about what we are going to say next and not listen with full intention. And thankful the Lord hears and understands is, I pray to give Him room to speak into my life.
Karen, I always appreciate your visits! I learned the value of reflecting back and restating when I was a teacher. It can be really helpful in understanding the other person. I love your prayer of giving God room to speak into your life. I think I need to adopt that too!
Your insight here is so true and important, Jeanne. I love this picture of “God inclining His ear to us, leaning down to hear what’s on our hearts.” I want to be just like Him! Love and blessings to you!
Trudy, when God first gave me that picture, it really spoke to my heart. I want to be like Him too, friend. Sending you blessings and hugs!
Listening is so important for all the reasons you have listed. But it can be so hard to keep quiet and really listen without trying to jump in. Interestingly, I just ordered an MP3 this morning about listening well as a counselor. It seems God is speaking to me. 🙂
Donna, it IS so hard to stay quiet, I imagine especially with certain clients. Don’t laugh, but one time, I actually asked my counselor to let me finish my thoughts before she shared hers. I discovered being able to share that this was important to me made my time with her a lot better. I love (most of the time!) when God uses different means to share His thoughts with us.
Great advice Jeanne, listening is so important as we all have a story to tell…
Blessings, Jennifer
Yes, Jennifer. We do all have a story to tell. 🙂
I feel convicted, Jeanne! I have recently begun to finish my husband’s sentences, so now I am repenting, and asking the Lord for the grace to be an attentive listener so he feels valued. Thank you for your encouragement today!
Lisa, it’s so easy to slip into the habit of finishing our husbands’ sentences. I still have to stop myself sometimes. The good thing about God is that, when we ask for His help—His grace—He gives it freely! Thanks for your transparency, my friend.
Oh, friend! You are speaking words that I need to hear and learn. I’m also a fixer and a cut-to-the-chase sentence finisher who needs to take a breath, close my mouth, and listen!
Ahhh, Michele, especially with my sons, I’ve had to stop trying to fix things and cut to the chase, as you put it. I’e dont that. Too often. I love your fix: take a breath, close our. mouths, and LISTEN. Wise words, my friend.
These things are so true. With anyone from a doctor to a loved one to a tech person–if we don’t feel they’re truly listening to us, we don’t feel heard, we’re frustrated trying to communicate further, and they misdiagnose the problem because they haven’t heard it out. It’s really hard not to jump in sometimes when we think we know where a conversation is going or feel we need to make an important point. But we need to intently listen, for their sakes and our own.
It’s so amazing that God listens to us so well, when He already knows the situation and feelings and what to do about them. What grace!
Barbara, YES to those feelings of frustration when we don’t feel heard! I, too, have struggled to not jump in when I think I know where a conversation is going. Intentional listening yields some surprises, doesn’t it? I’m so very thakful god listens, even though He already knows the situations I face and my feelings. He’s such a loving Father!