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How many of us enter motherhood knowing how much we need God’s grace?
From the time I was a young girl, the desire for motherhood imprinted itself on my heart. When God finally gave us our two sons through adoption, I’d spun over thirty-five times around the sun. I believed I was ready for motherhood.
I had no clue about how much I would need God’s grace on this mom journey.
Because I became a mom later than most of my friends, I heard stories of heartbreak during their children’s teen years. My secret goal became to avoid that pain. This goal was birthed from a lack of understanding of children and the fear of said pain.
In our boys’ younger years, I studied and read about how to maintain healthy relationships with teens. As they grew, I asked lots of open-ended questions. Conversations with our sons enlarged my understanding of what was in their hearts.
Our boys’ early teen years seemed easy. I know. Boys? Easy? Teen years? Easy?
I naively thought we’d done a good job with them, and these years from twelve to eighteen would be about deepening our relationships.
Then our oldest hit seventeen. And the pandemic happened. And my mothering foundation was rocked by changes in him. He pushed away from us, chose rebellion over relationship, and shattered my heart into hundreds of shards. I felt like a complete failure in the mom department.
God’s gift of grace for loving well, especially when it’s painful
How do we love well when our kids break our hearts? I imagine we’ve all had to choose how we’d do this.
Sometimes, that choice means digging in and pursuing a relationship. Our oldest did many things he knew were wrong and refused to accept responsibility for his choices.
Grace for loving him well looked like me crying out to God and Him reassuring me. Later, I found myself asking God to help me see our son through His eyes. On occasion, I wanted to lock the boy-man in his room until he was forty-three.
But God.
When our sons were small, I’d told them I would always love them. That there was nothing they could do that would cause me to stop loving them. I meant it. And I still mean it. Both have tested this statement.
What God’s Grace in Mothering Looks Like—When our sons were small, I'd told them I would always love them. That there was nothing they could do that would cause me to stop loving them. #tellhisstory #mothering #lovewell Click To TweetHubs and I prayed for our son. We had hard conversations with him. God showed us we needed to pivot in our parenting—such a hard thing when we were used to doing things one way. Part of the struggle was our son wanting more control over his life. Part of it was me being forced to let go of aspects of our relationship so he could learn how to be independent.
Through God’s grace, we allowed him to make mistakes and choices that impacted his life. And He gave us the grace to support our son as he figured out how to redirect.
God gifts us grace in the hard seasons. We need to turn to Him first, pray for His wisdom, and for the ability to see our children through His eyes. This can be transformational.
Another glimpse at loving well
Sometimes, loving well means letting them go for a season. When having an almost-adult/adult child in the home destroys family cohesiveness, there may be a time when that adult (almost adult) child is asked to find another place to live for a bit. Is this painful? YES.
But grace is found when we’ve talked with the Lord about this painful decision, and we sense God’s “yes” in the answer. Though our children may not be under our roof, God still watches over them. He may allow them to come to the last thread of themselves, but they are never invisible to our Father.
Sometimes, God’s grace comes through Him saying, “Let Me care for them.” Our mama’s hearts still break, still grieve over the broken relationship. But, when we know God is in control, the pain becomes less.
Grace to let go of our mistakes
We’ve all made mistakes on this mama journey. When our kids are young, the errors seem smaller and easier to fix, though some haunt us for years. When our kids are teens, those mistakes feel more significant, more condemning, and more final.
Our amazing Father who loves us knows how to redeem our mistakes. God fills in our gaps in mothering.
Mistakes with our kids
When we mess up in some aspect of our mothering, we must confess our errors to our children, humble ourselves, and ask their forgiveness. If they’re willing to talk, listen to what they say without correcting or explaining. When they know we’re listening, we show love in a powerful way.
We must also confess our sinful actions to God and ask for His forgiveness. Regret is a horrible taskmaster. When our past mistakes rise up and call us condemned, let’s cling to the truth that God has forgiven us. He is working in our children’s lives.
Conclusion
Is God’s grace for moms easy to understand? No. Can we embrace it wholeheartedly and know it is for us? Yes.
As with many other aspects of our Christian lives, living into God’s grace takes time, a shifting mindset about Him and us, and a willingness to see ourselves through God’s eyes.
What God’s Grace in Mothering Looks Like— living into God's grace takes time, a shifting mindset about Him and us, and a willingness to see ourselves through God's eyes. #tellhisstory #mothering #lovewell Click To TweetOur Father never expects us to mother alone, in our strength. He designed parenting to be a journey that draws us closer to Him and teaches us how to love as Jesus does.
What about you? How do you deal with regret over decisions you made with your kids? What helps you to accept God’s grace in your mothering?
*****Next week, we’re linking up at Donna’s place: Serenity in Suffering. bookmark this link so you can travel there easily.
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetEach week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
“Regret is a horrible taskmaster.” So true! Us mothers do need to remember God’s grace, especially when we feel regret (even shame) for our words and actions. The best advise I got from a mother further down the road from me was “this too shall pass.” In other words, motherhood is full of seasons – some tougher than others, but nothing is permanent. And that really is how this world of ours is, isn’t it? All shall pass away eventually….
Lynn, remembering our struggles in mothering are going to pass is such a reassurance. I’ve watched our sons as they’ve gone through phases and come out the other side. I’ve (FINALLY) learned to remember this hard moment doesn’t define all the future moments with our children. I love your thoughts here.
I heard Mary Demuth describe her child’s prodigal choices as God’s sanctification process in her life. It’s so difficult. I’m grateful for the grace He gives us.
Tammy, I love that description of prodigals being our sanctification. So true. Like you, I’m so glad for His grace given so freely!
Parenting is hard, but you’re so right that God gives grace and wisdom for the journey as well as a shoulder to cry on many times!
Kathy, yes God has soaked in many of my tears on His more-than-able shoulders.
GREAT posting Jeanne! Raising kids especially during teen years is definitely a challange. Wish as we were raising ours that we had a God-connection like you have. It would have been somewhat easier.
Thank you! 🙂 I know you know the ups and downs of raising teens. 🙂 God in the process is definitely a help.
I love this, Jeanne. The struggle is real. Nothing is harder than parenting, except maybe marriage. But both are ways to live out God’s plan and purpose =– and love.
Kathy, the struggle is real. I know you know this. But you’re right, through parenting and through marriage we learn how to live out God’s plan and how to love like He does.
Over ten years ago, in the hard – another mom who’d walked through the hard shared with me the exact same prayer: Show me how to see my son how you see him – that changed everything. Also asking God to show me how to love when I’m not feeling it! These sons – they are a priceless gift from God to better show us how He loves us and how we can love better. Sharing your mother journey like this – what a gift you have given to moms walking through the hard, my friend! Shalom in this mothering-of-sons journey! ~ Maryleigh
Maryleigh, yes! I sometimes pray, “Lord, help me to see my son through Your eyes and love him with Your love.” This prayer is a soft reminder for me that God loves my sons more than I do. Even when I’m at the end of my rope with them, He’s holding them, and He helps me to have His love and tenderness for them. I truly appreciate your encouragement, my friend.
Beautiful post, Jeanne. I’m so thankful for the way God’s grace covers us and our children through all the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, twists and turns (especially since roller coasters are definitely not my favorite.) Also grateful for other moms who are either where I am now or who have gone before me and are willing to encourage me from their hearts and experience. We’re never alone in this, are we? Hugs, friend.
Lois, I’m so glad God’s grace covers us and our children too. Like you, God has placed other moms in my life to encourage, pray for, and speak truth to me when I’ve needed to hear it. Thank you so much for your encouragement, my friend.
Mothering requires grace, humility, and wisdom, Jeanne, and as you said so well, “God fills in our gaps in mothering.” I’m thankful we can surrender our heart aches and our heart triumphs to Him. And we can trust our children to Him. May the Lord help our children that are making good choices to continue to follow Him. And may He help our children that are struggling with rebellion, deception and challenging choices to return to Him with a whole heart (and to our families too!).
Lisa, I so appreciate the insights you’ve shared here. And yes, may the Lord help our children wherever they are with Him right now. I’m so thankful that He always sees them and works behind the scenes in their lives.
Thank you for sharing your heart here with us Jeanne.
Motherhood is the hardest job in the world & the most rewarding…
One that I could not have done without the Lord’s strength & wisdom!
Blessings, Jennifer
Jennifer, I completely agree. Mothering is the hardest job there is, but it is also so fulfilling. Thank you for your encouragement, my friend.
Thank you for being vulnerable, Jeanne. And for this insightful wisdom you have learned through the struggles of motherhood. My heart still sometimes breaks and aches that ALL my children and grandchildren may come to know Jesus personally and will follow Him with all their hearts. All that is going on in this world today can so slyly and easily mislead them, so I worry a lot. But this is so comforting – “Sometimes, God’s grace comes through Him saying, “Let Me care for them.” Sometimes when I’m struggling, God reminds me to leave all in His hands and to remember He has all power to change and to save. You have reminded me of His promise again today, so thank you! Love and blessings to you!
Trudy, there are so many facets of the world that both lure our children and grandchildren away from their Creator and encourage us to become anxious. When we learn to hand over their hearts to the Lord and trust that He is working in the places we can’t see, this will help when we are tempted to worry. I’m so glad you found encouragement in this post, my friend. Love and blessings to you too!
Jeanne, this is beautiful. It’s so important for our children to know they could never do anything to take away our love. A mother’s love is in place, no matter what, as God has modeled for us. It’s hard since sometimes the “no matter what” does break our hearts. But the “grace upon grace” Jesus came to give us, is ample supply to us and spills over onto our kids.
Karen, thank you for your encouragement. You’re right. The “no matter what” has definitely broken my heart at times. But Jesus’ continual grace mends the rips in our hearts, doesn’t it? Thank you for sharing your insight here!
I am thankful for the grace God gives me in mothering. Our son is 39 years old and there are still lessons for me to learn. 🙂 Have a blessed week!
Melissa, this is something I’m discovering. Even though our youngest will head off to college this fall, I’ll still be learning lessons, still having God’s work going on in my heart, and still depending on Him for His grace. I hope your week is blessed too!
Jeanne, because we care so much, our children have the power to break our hearts like no others. And they are different from each other. As parents we desperately need the grace of God in our lives.
Debbie, you’re right. That raw, deep love we have for our children also opens us up to searing heart pain from some of the choices they make. I can’t imagine having parented these past years without God’s grace. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Jeanne, my heart needed to hear this today. I appreciate your heart in this message.
Paula, I’m so glad God used these words for your heart. Sending a hug, friend.
Nothing has challenged my faith or undermined my prideful independence like parenting. Thanks for this grace infusion for a VERY grace-dependent mum!
Michele, YES. Parenting has caused me to learn humility so many times. I’m so dependent on God’s grace too!
Jeanne. Thank you for this. As a mom, but mostly now as a grandma of 6 teens. What more can I say?
xo
Love your encouragement, Linda. And I’m sure your kids and grands do too!
Motherhood cast me on God for help and grace more than just about anything else in my life, except maybe for my parents’ divorce. I am so thankful He redeems our mistakes.
YES, Barb. Motherhood has brought me to the end of myself and caused me to turn to and cling to God. I’m so sorry you walked through the pain of your parents divorcing. I, too, am thankful for God’s redemption of our mistakes.
I have always felt the parenting journey changed me as much as my children also changed. They grew up and I grew in Christ. This >> “Our Father never expects us to mother alone, in our strength. He designed parenting to be a journey that draws us closer to Him and teaches us how to love as Jesus does.” Absolute truth. I am so very grateful our God keeps His hand on both us and our children. He is faithful!
Joanne, I completely agree with your thoughts on how much your parenting journey changed you. I’m a very different person now than I was when our first son was born. Like you, I’m thankful for God’s walking alongside me on this parenting journey. And, even as we prepare to launch our youngest into the world in a few months, I know I’m still going to cling to my Father’s hand!
Thank you for sharing this
I appreciate you stopping by! 🙂
God’s greatest grace in parenthood
for me was quick to come;
He ensured I never would
want to become one.
I had other fish to fry,
things to do and folks to see,
and the apple of my eye
was really always me,
and for that I’ve no regrets,
no longing for what’s lost,
because I’ve seen, did not forget
the truly awful cost
that kids bring, and what I’d lose
being forced to share my booze.
Andrew, you make me smile. We definitely have to come to the end of ourselves to parent well, or even kind of well. 🙂 I’m praying for you and Barb, my friend.