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Why is forgiveness important?
Can I be honest and say, God’s had to talk to me (ahem, a lot) about not being quick to forgive? In 2016, I was a mess. I was dealing with physical issues, mental thought processes, and spiritual stiltedness. I had a relationship with God, and I was growing. But, I also had a blind spot: unforgiveness.
In the midst of a particularly difficult season, God got my attention. Long story short, He showed me I was holding onto hurts people had inflicted from my childhood to present day. And holding onto those things fed a bitterness that was eating me up, in every sense of the word.
What is Forgiveness
How do you define forgiveness? Two definitions I’ve heard are:
“Forgiveness is giving up the right to get even.”
And,
From Merriam-Webster: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) or the desire to punish; to pardon the offense or the offender.
Forgiveness is an act of the will. It doesn’t just happen in our hearts. We either choose to forgive, or we choose to hold onto the hurt inflicted. Forgiveness is an intentional choice we make again and again . . . and again.
When someone hurts us, that pain often impacts many aspects of who we are. It takes time and intentionality to allow God to undo the impact of the offense we’ve endured.
God gives us the choice to forgive. Or not. Our decisions about forgiveness make us free or take us captive.
Why Is Forgiveness Important? Here are 8 Reasons—Our decisions about forgiveness make us free or take us captive #tellhisstory #choosingforgiveness Click To Tweet
Why is Forgiveness Important?
How many of us have never—ever—hurt another person, much less God? Hint: only one perfect Person ever walked this earth . . . and we are not Him.
God forgave our every sin before we ever offered Him our hearts. Because He loves us, He sent His Son, Jesus, to live among men.
Most of us know the story. But think about it—Jesus, who never once sinned, gave his life for us: people filled to the brim with sin.
Jesus shed His blood so we could know God’s forgiveness and love. He didn’t set conditions. Who else is capable of loving us that way?
No. One.
Because of Jesus’ gift of His life for ours, we can know God’s forgiveness. Why then, would we feel justified withholding forgiveness from others? Yes, some of us have faced grave injustices, violating offenses against our bodies, our psyches, and our souls.
And Jesus has made the gift of forgiveness available to those offenders too.
Grasping this truth is hard. Humbling. Even painful. But God, who gave His Son for us, expects us to forgive others as we’ve been forgiven.
The Truth About Forgiveness
Here’s the thing: God loves us in spite of the fact we sin against Him. There’s never a sin so great he can’t forgive. In turn, we must choose to forgive others. Many verses in the Bible talk of God’s expectation that we forgive those who sin against us.
Because of our sin, we owe our Father an unpayable debt. But, Jesus’ blood covered that debt. In comparison, we should consider anything done against us as a much lesser debt than that for which the Father has forgiven us.
What do we do with all of this? Our hearts’ reluctance, God’s word telling us, “Forgive,” the struggle of working through the emotions that make obedience difficult?
The act of forgiveness is a process. It’s rarely a one-and-done deal. Often, I make the initial choice to forgive. Then memories or pain revive in my heart, and I must choose to forgive again.
Why Is Forgiveness Important? Here are 8 Reasons—The act of forgiveness is a process. It’s rarely a one-and-done deal #tellhisstory #choosingforgiveness Click To Tweet
The Impact of Forgiveness
We always have a choice, Will we forgive? Or, won’t we? When we hold onto the hurts, we will live the repercussions for that decision:
Unforgiveness Results:
- Health issues—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. The stress of holding onto anger and hurt turns into bitterness which will (trust me on this!) affect us physically, and in every other way.
- Bitterness—the only person we hurt through unforgiveness is ourselves. When bitterness grows unchecked in our hearts, it taints our relationships with God and others. It weakens us physically, colors how we perceive situations. It also skews our mental and emotional responses.
- Builds a wall in our relationship with God. When we hold onto offenses, we go against God’s very nature by not forgiving as He’s forgiven us
- God doesn’t hear our prayers (See Psalm 66:18)
Choosing to forgive others has many implications for our lives.
Benefits of forgiveness:
- We grow closer to the Lord. Often the only way we’re able to truly forgive is with God’s help. We must choose to trust Him to enable us to forgive those who have sinned against us.
- We gain freedom from bitterness. There’s scientific proof that bitterness impacts us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. When we forgive, bitterness loses its grip on our hearts and lives.
- We discover peace in our hearts, minds, and spirits. Releasing the pain that shackled us enables us to view life through an accurate lens and to face future situations with God’s perspective.
- Our relationship with God deepens. Releasing offenses opens our hearts to receive and offer love as Jesus does. We see God more clearly. He always sees us, but when we aren’t held captive by unforgiveness, we glimpse His fingerprints on our days.
Why is forgiveness important? Because forgiveness is powerful. The act of forgiving releases us from bondage to bitterness and the enemy of our souls.
When God revealed to me all I’d held onto since childhood, He and I did business. There were lots of tears, lots of journaling, and the sense of His peace. Everything in me didn’t get all better instantly. But, remembering I’d chosen to forgive those who hurt me gave me the ability to let the pain roll off when the memories tried to come up. And God helped me to experience the freedom we can only live in when we’re not holding onto pain.
What about you? What is one thing that’s helped you to forgive another? Is there a benefit of forgiving you’ve experienced?
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Anita Ojeda, Instaencouragements, and sometimes Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Jeanne, I so much truth you unpacked here. I like how you note that forgiveness is a choice and a process. A Christian counselor once told me that forgiveness often comes in layers. She compared it to peeling back layers of an onion…a process.
Karen, please forgive the delayed response. I like the way your counselor describes forgiveness as something that happens in layers, like peeling back the layers of an onion. I didn’t know how to put that concept into words. Thanks for doing that for me. 🙂
Forgiveness is often very hard, but so important! Thank you, Jeanne for this reminder!
So true, Kathy. Forgiveness can be soooo hard, yet it’s also imperative if we want to stay healthy and also in fellowship with our heavenly Father.
Jeanne, you are right, it is a choice, and it is never a once and done action. Childhood wounds can be deep ones to forgive. And we will deal with them over and over, as we realize yet another layer or aspect. One thing that has helped me, besides Jesus forgives me when I don’t deserve it, is seeing the pain and hurt that person who hurt me carries and having some compassion on them and what caused them to hurt me. Sometimes we think forgiveness will take away the pain or hurt or make everything right, and it doesn’t. But it does allow us to process and step towards healing. Also realizing that forgiveness doesn’t have to be 100%. In fact, how can it be when we find another layer of hurt. All I have to do is forgive as much as I can today and then some more tomorrow or latter. And also knowing that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. We are human and won’t forget, but we can forgive and then when we encounter or look back, we have more peace and see things differently. Forgiveness also does not mean the relationship is restored with that person if it is a toxic or unhealthy relationship. I can forgive someone and choose not to have a relationship with them.
Theresa, you add many solid insights to this conversation. Yes, forgiveness is a multi-layered process. And yes, choosing forgiveness doesn’t always remove all the pain. I so appreciate all you’ve shared here!
Including how tough it was for you to forgive in your own life adds a depth of meaning to this, Jeanne. You understand how hard it can be. So much different than the unfeeling “forgive and forget” making victims feel even more laden with guilt. Years ago, I was pretty mixed up about forgiveness, but I eventually learned that forgiving someone for “grave injustices, violating offenses against our bodies, our psyches, and our souls” isn’t excusing the sin against us. It also doesn’t mean that if the hurt or effects don’t go away, I must not have truly forgiven. And reconciliation is not always possible or healthy. It’s a continual process, as you said. Not a one-time thing but again and again. And I am so, so grateful how patient and compassionate our Lord is with us! Love and blessings to you!
Trudy, “forgive and forget” never really solves anything. It certainly doesn’t deal with the issues that have harmed the heart. And you’re right. It often (always?) makes the victims feel guilty. I thought about talking about guilt in this post, because it really is a thing in the forgiveness process. I soooo appreciate your insights here, my friend. I know you’re speaking from experience here. Sending you hugs and love, friend!
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we do, but also one of the most beneficial. I’m in a season of working actively on forgiving someone who doesn’t think they need it, but God knows I need to forgive, regardless of what the other person thinks. Thanks for the encouragement!
Agreed, Lisa. It’s tough when the other person doesn’t think they “need” forgiveness. And yes, we do need to forgive, for our own sakes, and in obedience to our Father. Thanks for sharing here today, friend.
It’s not easy to forgive certain things but allowing the Holy Spirit’s s work in us makes it possible.
I don’t like people or things to have Power in my life & that’s what unforgiveness does. It keeps us bound to the offender & circumstance that hurt us.
I remember Corrie Ten Boom forgiving the Nazi soldier from the concentration camp they’d been in, after the war, when he had found Jesus & came to her & asked her forgiveness.
She found it difficult & then surrendered to the Lord & extended her hand out to him & gave her forgiveness.
I often think I have been forgiven so much by the Lord, who am I not to forgive!
Bless you,
Jennifer
Jennifer, you’re right. Some things are VERY difficult to forgive. I agree, those, especially, are the things that can only be forgiven with help from the Holy Spirit’s work in us. I like your description of how unforgiveness keeps us bound to the offender and circumstances. That story of Corrie ten Boom’s forgiveness still brings tears to my eyes. Such great insights here today, Jennifer.
Oh Jeanne, what a beautiful story of choosing the harder-but-better way. Your list of the results of unforgiveness reminds me of something I heard once, that “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I’ve known people who hold on to everything and those who truly were unoffendable. My prayer is to follow the second example–and yours. Life is too short, and precious people are soaking up our examples. I don’t want to pass on a legacy of unforgiveness to anyone.
Lois, I’ve heard that saying too. It’s such an apt description of unforgiveness and its impact on us. Yes, life IS too short to hold onto grudges, bitterness, and unforgiveness. I want to pass on that legacy of forgiveness as well.
So powerful, friend. Sadly, until we experience the toxic impacts of unforgiveness we keep ourselves imprisoned and trapped. The process is seldom easy but by His strengtheing power we can release those who have done us harm. And we can move ahead and allow God to be judge and jury.
Freedom. Peace.
Linda, you’re right! It seems like we can be thick-headed enough to hold onto unforgiveness until we realize how much this choice is impacting us. It IS a prison and a trap. I love your words here, friend. I’m thankful God does deal with wrong-doers in His perfect way and time.
Jeanne, this is so important for each of us in some way or many. I hurt myself and God by holding onto unforgiveness. As difficult as it is to let go, it seems harder to hold on. Thank you for this beautiful nudge.
Linda, I’ve done the same . . . hurt myself and God by holding onto unforgiveness. It is harder and much more detrimental to hold on than to let go of it and trust God for healing. Thanks for your words, my friend!
Hello Jeanne,
Great post filled with salient truths about forgiveness. I especially like it when you say forgiveness is a process and not a one and done deal. So true. Sometimes the deeper the hurt, the longer the process.
P.S. I will share my remaining thoughts in a private email.
Yvonne, you’re so right. Often, the deeper the hurt, the longer the process. I look forward to receiving your email!
So hard, but yes, so important.
Yes to both of those, Lauren!!
God knows how much un-forgiveness harms us! And His directions our clear, yet we sure can mess those up, can’t we? In a world that wants justice, we fall into its way and hold on to our grievances wanting the other to first “pay” or apologize. But we are created from love and love is all that will bring life. And let God be the final judge. Gosh, why can that be so hard sometimes?! I am glad that God brought you through your journey to forgiveness, Jeanne. Even though it was a tough time, the freedom in forgiving makes up for it all!
Lynn, isn’t it interesting how God asks us to do hard things that He knows are beneficial? And, yes, I’ve messed up his directions (ahem) more time than I’d like to count. I’m so thankful God assures us He will deal with the person who has wronged us. And, like you say, our role isn’t to make them pay, but rather to forgive and let God deal with them. Psalm 73 talks about this. Thanks for your kind words and your wisdom, my friend!
Forgiveness can take time. God wants us to forgive. I have found many wonderful lessons while forgiving myself and forgiving others.
Melissa, yes, forgiveness can definitely take time. I love your teachable spirit and learning lessons while forgiving yourself and others.
We cannot be thankful in all things without forgiving others. Forgiveness frees us more than it frees wrongdoers. Great message!
You’re spot on, Nancy. Forgiveness is a foundation for us having the capacity to be thankful and to be able to live in freedom.
So thankful the Holy Spirit helps us and heals us.
Amen, Deb!! I completely agree.
Such a great post. Forgiveness has always been hard for me. Your point about forgiving again, again, and again is spot on. Thanks for the party.
Amy, I’m so thankful God’s willing to forgive me again and again . . . and again. Thank goodness for His graciousness!
Two words keep finding their way into my thoughts these days: release and receive. I can’t do the second until I have taken grace to do the first.
Love your thoughts, Michele! There’s so much truth in them!
“Forgiveness is powerful. The act of forgiving releases us from bondage to bitterness and the enemy of our souls.” Forgiveness … the greatest gift Christ offers to us, and we can offer to others.
Yes, Joanne. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can offer to others!
This is a great post, and I agree, forgiveness is so important. One thing that has helped me is recognising that God takes sin seriously and forgiving is not saying that what happened was ok or doesn’t matter, but it is handing it over to him to deal with and trusting him with it. Also that, as you say, it’s an ongoing process and not just a one-time thing.
Lesley, I so appreciate how you put things . . . t hat choosing to forgive does not mean that what happened was okay or doesn’t matter. Your reminder to hand things over to Him so He can deal with the offender frees up the person impacted to trust God with that. Knowing a bit of your story, your words mean a lot!
It has taken me a long time to forgive some people (and their offenses weren’t horrible). I think unforgiveness gives me an excuse to avoid people I don’t really like—which isn’t very healthy, either. Remembering that Jesus forgave me always helps me work through my emotions.
Anita, I so appreciate your transparency here. I’ve had people it took me a long time to forgive too. Yes, remembering all Jesus has forgiven me for definitely puts this whole idea of forgiving others into a better context.
I used to get hung up on the other person not deserving forgiveness–until I realized I didn’t deserve it, either, yet God graciously forgave me. The parable of the steward who wouldn’t forgive a small debt though his master forgave him a great one really opened my eyes to the fact that God has forgiven me so much more than anyone else has sinned against me. Therefore, I have no right to withhold forgiveness from others. The fact of forgiveness being an act of the will and not an emotion helped, too. Plus the fact that not forgiving others will negatively impact my fellowship with God and keep me from being forgiven.
Barbara, I used to get hung up on that same issue regarding forgiveness. I’m so thankful for God’s grace as we each come to terms with forgiveness and what that looks like in our lives. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Oh, drat. Didn’t completely edit my comment before posting. This is what it SHOULD have said…
Why should I just let it go?
Why should I forgive?
Well, friend, if you want to know,
I just want to live.
Grudges are a cancer
(got the tumour kind),
and the only answer
is to put them out of mind
by asking What Would Jesus Do?
and doing that same thing.
May sound childish but it’s true,
and here’s what it will bring:
when from forgiving you don’t hide,
He’ll help you out, right by your side.
Andrew, I loved, loved this poem. There’s so much wisdom in your words and word pictures. Thanks for the reminder that Jesus is always with us, even when we need to ask for or offer forgiveness. I’m praying for you, friend.