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Have you considered the reasons why we compare ourselves to others?
I thought I’d be done with making comparisons by this stage of my life. Sadly, I still fall into this trap.
I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. When I was a child, it was all about if I was wearing cute clothes or if I could play kickball as well as the boys and be picked for their team.
In college, comparison became about who I hung out with.
Was I good enough to be with that crowd? Would I be hired for a job right after college? (Answer? No, it took me three years to get a teaching position).
As friends started meeting their spouses, I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn’t find my perfect match. And this thought pattern carried over into becoming a mother. Why did God give babies to my friends but not to me? What was wrong with me?
Why we compare ourselves to others
Comparison is a normal part of human thought. It can be helpful in some situations. Or comparison can decimate our self-worth.
Why We Compare Ourselves to Others—Comparison is a normal part of human thought. It can be helpful in some situations. Or comparison can decimate our self-worth #tellhisstory #comparison Click To TweetWays comparison can help
Using comparison to evaluate where we are now and how we were at another stage of our lives can be helpful. We see our growth,
in our relationships with God and others,
in how we respond in situations,
in how we’ve matured.
According to Thriving Center, “When you take stock of what’s around you and how you can improve yourself, it can be a powerful motivator.”
Another way comparison aids us is when we’re uncertain about how to do something. We can watch how others do it and succeed and then redirect our paths. We may gain insight by talking with others who are further along their journey than we are. The comparison comes when we realize they have something to offer us.
Unhealthy comparisons
But social comparisons can slice our sense of self-worth. Social media heightens this, especially when comparing our worst with others’ perceived best. This always leaves us feeling our lack.
Or, we observe someone we consider “below us” and puff ourselves up. This mindset highlights our own insecurity. When we allow the way we see others and the way we view ourselves to define us, we’re moving in a dangerous direction.
What is the root cause of comparison?
According to Rachel Cruz at Ramsey Solutions, there’s a biological component. “Our brains use comparisons to figure out how we measure up to other people.”
In its essence, comparison informs how we begin to understand ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses. When comparison moves the wrong way on this continuum, insecurity and the sense of not belonging take up residence in our thoughts. Which makes connection with others more difficult.
Why I’m prone to compare
Here’s the sad insight my counselor opened my eyes to. I compare myself to others to prove to myself that I am not as good as or as “enough as” others.
What?
I didn’t realize I used this form of self-sabotage. Because, really, that’s what it is.
Here’s the truth: God places high value on each of His creations. When we understand our value comes from Him, not from how we measure up to others, our thought-life will be transformed.
Why We Compare Ourselves to Others—When we understand our value comes from God, not from how we measure up to others, our thought-life will be transformed #tellhisstory #comparison Click To TweetWe’ve all heard this: we will always be “better” than some people and “worse” than others in any given area. We’re not meant to be “the best” at everything. Because we don’t all have the same God-gifted calling in life.
So why do we compare ourselves to others?
God never intended for comparison to be used as a way to destroy ourselves. The biological component was designed to help us make sense of our world.
Conclusion
As I began to understand why we compare ourselves to others—why I used comparison as a weapon—my perspective shifted.
It’s taken me years to unpack the truth that I am valued by my Father. And the fact that He loves me is enough. Whether I measure up in others’ eyes no longer holds the same pull it once did.
I still compare myself to people I admire and respect, but with one thought change at a time, God reminds me how much He loves me.
Here’s something we each need to understand: God loves us. Our strengths. Our weaknesses. Our giftings. Our struggles. None of these changes how He views us.
What about you? What are your thoughts about why we compare ourselves to others? How do you battle comparison in your thoughts?
Next week, we’ll link up at Donna’s at Serenity and Suffering. Be sure to bookmark this so you can find it easily. 😊
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Inspire Me Monday, Instaencouragements, and Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To TweetMost weeks, I link up with Grace and Truth, Inspire Me Monday, Instaencouragements, and Let’s Have Coffee. Come join and read more encouraging posts!
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Personal comparisons can often, as you found Jeanne, be a way to affirm our own insecurities.
God loves each one of us, we’re all amazing creations in His sight, unique blessed parts of the body. 🙂 We need each other, only man works in grades not God for we are all equal in Christ Jesus.
Blessings, Jennifer
I love how you put that, Jennifer. Comparison can affirm our own insecurities. You’ve reiterated important truths for all of us to remember about God’s love for us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, my friend.
I’ve realized that I used to compare myself in “measurable” ways against other people thinking I didn’t measure up – because I didn’t understand the God-design of myself. When I started understanding the gifts God put within me and how He’d called me to use them and how different people were called to do things differently out of their gifts – it changed everything for me. Sometimes, I still struggle with “measurable” results, even measurable recognition, but I’ve found peace and joy in working with the “talant shop” he put me in charge of. Jeanne, you always bring such a good discussion to the table!
Maryleigh, I appreciate your transparency here. You make such an important point. When we understand the gifts God has given us and how He calls us to use them, and when we focus on Him, comparison loses its power in our lives. I love what you called the “talent shop.” Thank you for your encouragement, Maryleigh.
Ahh, comparing ourselves to others is such a sink hole for us. I appreciate your transparency and courage to tackle this topic from a bibical standpoint.
Kathy, comparison. A sinkhole. YES. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Jeanne, I echo Lisa’s thoughts about appreciating your authenticity in sharing about this topic. I also love Linda’s practice of thanking God for another person’s gifts or opportunities when she starts veering toward jealousy. On this writerly journey we’re on, the comparison traps spring up in so many areas, don’t they? The Narnia quote above my kitchen sink, about God only telling us our own story, not anyone else’s, helps me keep my focus where it belongs: on what He has called me to do. Whatever happens to others is part of their story, not mine. Wonderful words this week, friend.
Lois, there are a lot of wise women in this community, aren’t there? I include you in that group. You’re right. On the writing journey, there are a lot of comparison traps. We must be careful to guard our hearts and thoughts, yes? I love that Narnia quote. It so reminds me of what Jesus tells Peter in John 21. I so appreciate you, friend.
True words, Jeanne. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own traps of comparison to others. I know I do it. Recognizing that it’s happening is the first step, but learning how to pull away from it and uncovering what causes it are also critically important, as you state here. Great post.
Lisa, there’s wisdom in your words. Yes, recognizing that we are comparing ourselves with someone else is the first step. And yes, uncovering the causes and learning how to change our thinking are crucial steps to move into a healthier place. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Great insights, Jeanne! I appreciate your authenticity in sharing your struggle with comparison, and your counselor’s insight that brought victory from this snare.
Lisa, thank you. I’m so thankful for the wise people God has placed in my path throughout my life. They’ve helped me to work through wrong belief systems and into healthier thinking. I appreciate your faithfulness to stop by here!
My thought life! Wow, you nailed it! That is where the damage is done. I appreciate what Linda said. Gratitude and openness to appreciating the gifts of God expressed in our brothers and sisters—that’s key!
Michele. Yes, our thoughts lives . . . they can steer us closer to God or into the comparison trap. Linda shared some great thoughts. I appreciate what you’ve shared here, friend.
Comparing ourselves to others can lead to self-defeat at times. However, if we remember we are uniquely created by God, we can find peace. 🙂
Melissa, YES. When we focus on how God created us rather than on how He created others, we can more easily steer clear of comparison. I always appreciate your wisdom, friend.
This really resonates with me, Jeanne. It has taken me years to see, too, that my value comes from God, not in how I measure up to anyone else. Sometimes when I’m feeling weary or vulnerable, I still slip back into that rut of thinking something is wrong with me or in comparing myself with others and always falling short, but again and again God helps me to focus on my worth in Him. Thank you for these encouraging reflections! Love and blessings to you!
Trudy, I’m so glad you found encouragement in this post. You bring up a good point about the importance of us taking care of ourselves (as we’re able) as in getting rest, eating well, etc to help us stay away from slipping back into unhealthy thinking ruts. Isn’t our God so good to us to help us focus on our worth in Him? Thank you for your sweet words, my friend. Love and blessings right back to you!
I’m glad God points you “one thought a time” to His truth. Comparison can be a dream killer when we let it under value our identity in Christ. I do fall into the comparison trap of “I can’t do that because they do it better” and recently learned a tool to say “I’m on my way to (it)…” instead. I have no right to be on somebody else’s path…haha!
Lynn, yes to all you shared here. And the tool you’re utilizing is perfect. I love what you said about us having no right to be on someone else’s path! Great truths here, friend.
It makes such a difference when we can begin to accept ourselves as we are and understand that God chose to make us different from other people. I think it helps if we encourage other people in our differences too. Over the last few years I’ve been part of the leadership team within my church and I know I am very different from most of the others and bring a different perspective and different opinions to a lot of topics. I have so appreciated how my pastor has often encouraged me that I am there to bring a different perspective and it is something people need to hear. I think it has helped all of us to see our differences as a positive thing rather than something negative or threatening.
Lesley, I LOVE this. You have a beautiful, different-from-the-norm story. I am certain God is using you in the lives of those around you. What a privilege to be on your leadership team and to have the encouragement of your pastor. You’re so right. When we see our differences as a positive thing rather than negative or threatening, it makes a huge difference in our perspective, doesn’t it?
I never thought of comparison as self-sabotage, but that sure does ring true. I’m also not sure I ever thought of the benefits of comparison–to learn, to improve. That’s the first thing we do when we walk into a new social setting–we see what everyone else is doing to take our cues for what to do next.
I’ve had to battle the negative kinds of comparison all too often. It helps, as you said, to remember that God created me and values me just as I am. I’m not perfect, but He’s changing me more into His likeness day by day. And I’ve found what Linda said, too–being grateful for others’ gifts and enjoying them helps defuse jealousy and insecurity.
Barbara, before doing some research for this blog post, I hadn’t considered the positive side of comparison either. I so appreciate your reminders to yourself. I still have to remimd myself of those same truths. And yes, isn’t Linda wise??
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, friend.
Jeanne, you made the point of how social media tends to cause us to compare our worst with others’ perceived best. The struggle is one which is real and fierce and we each must fight the battle. When my thoughts go down the comparison path, I try to remind myself that here, now, is where God has placed me for my good and for His glory. With that reminder firmly in place, I am filled with a contentment and peace that He is fulfilling His purposes in my life.
Joanne, we definitely must fight the lure to compare ourselves with what we see on social media. And yes, it is a battle! The truths you remind yourself about are spot on. When we take our eyes off of others and place them on the Lord, like Jesus exhorted Peter to do in John 21, we will definitely know contentment and peace as He fulfills His purpose in our lives. So beautifully said, my friend.
When I start getting jealous/ envious, I start thanking God for that person’s giftedness/opportunities/whatever and He turns my heart and mind back to where it ought to be.
Thank You, Jesus.
Linda, there is so much wisdom contained in your words! I love your plan for turning jealousy/envy into something that pleases the Lord and shifts your perspective.
I learned something in my youth,
found a place it’s good to be,
when I saw the simple truth
that no-one measures up to me.
I’m far above the common clay,
cultured, strong, and resolute,
and must add (well, if I may)
that I’m also pretty doggone cute,
but I try not to flaunt these things;
others see them well enough,
and even angels on bright wings
know that they don’t have the stuff
to compete, not in the least,
when I step out on Golden Streets.
Andrew, you bring so clearly that none of us measures up to others. We are each unique. And you may have made me smile with your confidence in who you are. 🙂 And I mean that seriously.
You and Barb continue to be in my prayers, my friend.